Halloween 2018

The Ritual (2017)

Saw this on Netflix. A good cross between The Descent and The Blair Witch Project (though not shot in the found footage format). Four Englishmen take a hiking trip in the remote hills of Sweden to honor the tragic killing of a friend. When they elect to take a "shortcut" through the woods (as one of the characters warns, "if a shortcut was a shortcut, it wouldn't be called a shortcut, it would be called a route"), they stumble across a pagan cult worshiping some ancient beast as a God. For a while, it seems mostly like all the baggage is just what the friends bring with them into the forest, but there really is something out there, and you do eventually get a good look at it in the end (in a climax that had me quoting Princess Mononoke: "I'm going to show you how to kill a god"). The cinematography is breathtaking - the beautiful setting goes a long way in establishing an atmosphere that is genuinely instilled with fear. I recommend it.

Temple (2017)

Three Japan-o-philes visit the land of the rising sun. The girlfriend is doing her thesis on religious studies. The boyfriend (who is kind of a prick) is mostly along for the ride. The third wheel is actually the most interesting character, and the only one who can speak Japanese. They quickly and conveniently stumble upon clues leading them to what must be the most haunted temple in Japan. There's a potentially interesting story in there about six kids who went missing, and the monk who was found living in the temple, but that's not what this movie is about - that's just background fodder for a gimmicky ghost story. Unfortunately, the acting is a bit wooden, and the writing leaves something to be desired. The creature(s?) are creepy, but the nighttime chase is just too dark (and there are too many shots pointed down the barrel of a flashlight, as opposed to the other way around). There's a novelty (for me, at least) to occult symbolism being associated with oriental spiritualism (as opposed to Christianity or paganism), but the various story threads don't really line up into a logical framework beyond "ghosts are creepy, right?" in the end (which came sooner than I expected). I'd like to see this story told with more substance and less fluff.

The Devil's Candy (2015)

Now this movie has style - and I do love a movie with style. Its taste in music is so good (a heavy metal cross-section of Pantera, Slayer, Metallica, even Sunn O))) - not music I typically listen to, but great for setting the mood of a horror movie), even the "trailer" music on Netflix had me hopping over to Youtube for more. The setup is recurrent of The Amityville Horror - a nice family moves into a house with a dark past, and their lives subsequently take a dark turn - but with a strong serial killer flavor - starring an older-than-I-remember Pruitt Taylor Vince. The cold open is so captivating - a Lizzie Borden/Jim Morrison singing The End-type situation, where a man gets up in the middle of the night and plays power chords on his electric guitar to drown out the Satanic voice in his head - I was instantly sold.

The protagonist family - a metalhead slash painter, his wife, and their teenage (also metalhead) daughter - are attractive and likable, and the movie is largely free of dumb clichés. When the Satanic element begins to manifest itself through art - the father's painting, provided by the real-life artist who's worked on some of Sunn O)))'s album covers - it's glorious. Did I mention this movie has style? It's terrifying - albeit, in less of a supernatural way than one might hope (on that note, it's telling that the killer watches a lot of fire-and-brimstone televangelist preachers; it's not hard to imagine it fueling the delusions of an impaired mind - though the preacher thinks he's helping people, by preying on their fears, he's only magnifying the horrors in the world; it is the height of irony that he, himself, is among the worldly devils he warns about) - culminating in a harrowing climax, but damn, it's not often that I have this much fun watching a horror movie! It just goes to show how powerful a movie can be when it's not just trying to tell a story, but aspiring to be a work of art in its own right. It's no wonder the music and painting plays such a critical role. This is the kind of movie I'd be proud to display on my shelf. (Even Black Phillip makes a cameo!)

Apostle (2018)

At over two hours long, this movie is an epic journey, with a plot that strongly resembles The Wicker Man. Around the turn of the century (last century), a man is sent undercover in his ailing father's stead to infiltrate a goddess-worshiping island cult and rescue his kidnapped sister. The first half plays a bit like Colonia in a colonial village with a medieval sense of justice. But at the halfway point (and I suppose this is a bit of a spoiler), it takes a very dark turn, with some supernatural elements, as the cult begins to implode from within. Most of the horror is human-generated, however, and it gets pretty gruesome. It's a sleek production, with good writing, solid leads, and ace cinematography. It's undoubtedly a tense viewing experience, but if that doesn't bother you, it's very well done.

"The promise of the divine is but an illusion."
"God is pain... is suffering... is betrayal."

P (2005)

The granddaughter of a witch leaves the Thai countryside to seek a living in Bangkok, where she uses her supernatural talents to navigate the sex trade - and get herself into trouble, when she loses control of her powers and a bloodthirsty monster is let loose on the city. It's fascinating to see different cultures take on particular subjects - like witchcraft - to see the similarities and differences in how they're interpreted across cultures. True to Bangkok's reputation, this is as much an erotic film as it is a horror film (and I have no complaints about that). In fact, it feels like three movies in one - a gritty, country-girl-meets-city-life coming-of-age drama gives way to a flesh-eating night stalker thriller, that eventually evolves into a Thai version of The Exorcist! Plus, it deserves an award for most captivating ending credits sequence - this film really knows how to keep the audience engaged through the credits. ;-)

Haunted (2018)

This is a short series available on Netflix - I view it as a sort of modern analog to Sightings. Six stories told in bite-size, 20-30 minute episodes, with dramatic re-enactments. Obviously, you can take "the following is a true story" with a grain of salt, but since none of these stories is designed to prove or disprove the existence of paranormal phenomena (this isn't science, this is entertainment), you might as well suspend your disbelief and take them at face value - they're certainly presented that way, told by the victims and eyewitnesses themselves in first person. Most of the tales lack a satisfying conclusion, but I think that contributes to the scariness, by leaving things hanging out there. Fair warning: you might want to watch this one with the lights on.

Here's what you can expect: in the first episode, a man is h(a)unted by a vengeful ghost, in a setup reminiscent of It Follows. The second episode is the story of the kids who grew up with a devil-worshipping serial killer father. Episode three takes a few pages from the Poltergeist playbook. Episode four is the most positive episode (relatively speaking), about a medium who awakens his gift after being contacted by three kids who died in a well. The fifth episode is your requisite alien abduction episode. And in episode six, a teenage girl's deadbeat boyfriend gifts her a stolen gravestone, so she dumps him and shacks up with the demon that's attached to it. (That description's not a fair reflection of the tone of the episode, but it's not inaccurate, and I couldn't resist describing it that way).

Discussion: it's almost more fascinating trying to think up a psychological explanation for these experiences*. I mean, assuming they're not fabricated whole cloth - obviously, I don't believe in ghosts and aliens (anymore), but I believe that these people (or, if they're actors, then others like them) have had experiences that defy conventional explanation. (To quote Scully from The X-Files, I believe that they believe - doubting their explanations isn't the same thing as denying their emotional experiences). I think it will be fascinating somewhere down the line, when we have a better grasp of how the human brain functions, to explore the physiological (and/or environmental) factors** that lead to things like hearing sounds and voices, seeing apparitions, etc. Just having had an episode of sleep paralysis once in my life, I've experienced the unbelievably realistic delusions the human mind can conjure when it's not functioning correctly, and the intense feelings (especially sheer terror) that can go along with that. Take mere suggestibility as a start. I don't believe in these things - these entities - yet thinking about them is enough to cause a palpable reaction of fear (accompanied by such physiological symptoms as goosebumps) in my mind and body. To quote The X-Files again, we have yet to discover how neural networks create self-consciousness, let alone how the human brain processes two-dimensional retinal images into the three-dimensional phenomenon known as perception, yet we somehow brazenly declare that "seeing is believing".

*When some of the people in this show say things like "houses aren't haunted, people are haunted", or that spirits are "attached" to them, or when one person in a household experiences a lot of paranormal activity but others don't... this all could be interpreted as one person being "psychically open" or "empathically gifted" or some such, but it suggests to me the possibility that these could be the manifestations of an impaired mind (or an enhanced one, depending on your perspective).

**In both genetics and conditioning - as reinforced by The Devil's Candy, it always seems to be those with direct exposure to religious mythology (not always in the form of devotion - sometimes it's "inflicted" upon them by others) that interpret these experiences in such archetypal ways. To provide an example of this phenomenon, a schizophrenic who hears voices or feels presences will be more likely to interpret them as ghosts or demons if he's been taught to believe in things like pure evil and the immortal soul.

Tales of Halloween (2015)

It's fun to watch scary shows and horror movies during October, but I always like it when I get a chance to watch something that captures the true essence of Halloween - costume parties and jack o' lanterns and trick 'r treaters - on the holiday itself. Especially when I don't get a chance to get out there myself (and not being a kid anymore, that kind of depends on the whims of other families). That's one of the things I like about the early Treehouse of Horror episodes of The Simpsons. That's also part of what makes the slasher classic Halloween such a perennial favorite. So I saved Tales of Halloween for October 31st - an anthology of ten (very) loosely connected stories that occur on the night of All Hallow's Eve, very much in the vein of that other, more recent, Halloween classic, Trick 'r Treat.

I'll tell you straight up that it's not as good as Trick 'r Treat, but it wasn't a bad way to spend a Halloween night, cuddled up on the couch with a bag full of candy, after all the excitement of the day has wound down. The stories are more sequential and less interwoven than they were in Trick 'r Treat - occasionally a reference to one short will be made in another, and the trick 'r treaters who feature predominantly in one story are recycled in the others. To give you an idea of what to expect, here's a...well, short description of each of the shorts:

Sweet Tooth - An urban legend about a kid who will eat all your candy (even the pieces you've already eaten) comes to life.

The Night Billy Raised Hell - An unfortunate kid learns why it's a bad idea to egg the guy's house who never gives out candy. (spoiler: it's not because he doesn't know how to enjoy the holiday).

Trick - A group of kids decide they'd rather draw blood than receive candy from a group of adults spending the holiday under the influence (spoiler: that decision is entirely justified).

The Weak and the Wicked - A bullied kid attempts to summon a Halloween demon to exact vengeance on his (rather sadistic) bullies.

Grim Grinning Ghost - A fairly straightforward exercise in suspense, expectation, redirection, and jump scares, when a woman's car breaks down and she has to walk home after listening to ghost stories at a friend's house.

Ding Dong - A rather quirky segment, featuring some kind of demon lady who really wants children, and her soft-spoken mate, as they navigate the temptation of having children delivered right to their doorstep on Halloween.

This Means War - A short that seemed more interesting in its setup than its ultimate conclusion. Basically, a tale of one-upsmanship in the realm of decorating your house for the holiday.

Friday the 31st - An over-the-top, humorous parody of Friday the 13th, involving a costumed victim, a Jason rip-off, and, believe it or not, a UFO.

The Ransom of Rusty Rex - Two desperate would-be kidnappers get a whole lot more than they bargained for when they try to take a millionaire's trick 'r treating son hostage.

Bad Seed - a killer goes on a rampage during Halloween, but it takes the novel form of a sentient (and bloodthirsty) jack o' lantern. Kind of reminded me of Halloween III (the one without Michael Myers).

And there you have it - take it or leave it. I hope you've had a haunted holiday, and if I don't see you sooner, I imagine I'll meet you back here next Halloween!

V/H/S Viral (2014)

I think I may be getting burned out on found footage films. Not that I don't still enjoy a good one, but those are few and far between. I've always staunchly defended the found footage format from the relentless criticism that gets levied against it - and that hasn't changed. I will never write off a film solely on account of it being found footage. But I miss the days when a found footage film was a subtly crafted mystery, steeped in suspense - the footage being all that's left behind to document some unknown atrocity, allowing the finder (i.e., the viewer) to go inside and get dangerously close to the action as it unfolds, instead of reading a sanitized account of its aftermath in the newspaper over coffee and danish the next morning. Nowadays, it's little more than an excuse for every amateur on the block to try their hand at making a movie with the $25 camera they bought at Walmart.

Vicious Circles

That's not a very promising opening to this review, but I don't have a lot of great things to say about V/H/S Viral. To start with, the framing story doesn't really do a good job of framing the different segments of the anthology. You hardly even know when you're jumping from one to another. It also relies far too heavily on audio and visual interference to unsettle the audience (in spite of an utter absence, at the beginning, of any danger whatsoever), which is not one of my favorite clichéd tactics in the found footage toolbox. It also seems to be trying to make up for the franchise's past abuses towards women by opening on a romance, but it doesn't quite succeed. As a voyeur and a photographer, I'm getting tired of the lack of understanding so many people have as to why anyone would want to document the curves of another's body, or why some people are drawn to making records of life at least as much as they are to living it. You'd think if anyone would understand these things, it would be a film director. Alas, not this one.

Furthermore, in a movie titled "V/H/S Viral", the opening sequence should be designed to introduce the audience to the modern idea (well removed from the days of VHS tapes, you'll note) of videos going viral, and why people might be seduced by the phenomenon (not just the fact that some of them are). The sequence struggles futilely to evoke any sense of realism, however. Where are the teenage girls doing makeup tutorials and singing pop hits for YouTube, or filming their pets performing funny tricks? No, this movie is all about the darker side of human nature. (But is filming three seconds of a police chase from your front yard really viral-worthy)? But while I could envision a haunting film about the seductive phenomenon of viral videos, and the lengths to which some people would go in the relentless pursuit of their fifteen minutes of fame - or even about some kind of deadly 21st century chain letter - this isn't it.

Dante The Great

This segment is about a piece of trailer trash who gets a hold of Houdini's cloak, which enables him to perform remarkable feats of magic - not least of which includes amazing spacetime anomalies - but periodically has to be fed human sacrifices. Let me not understate this - this is a really neat idea. But it certainly aims more toward the realm of total sci-fi fantasy than anything related to the viral video phenomenon (apart from the flimsy connection of a redneck seeking fame through minimal effort). It's even filmed like a documentary, complete with interviews. The human feeding aspect seems to be thrown in mostly to justify a "horror" label, but while it's a potentially terrifying premise, it's really too wacky to create much of a scary atmosphere. The magic tricks, on the other hand, are fantastic. The confrontation at the end is as spectacular as anything you'll see in a big budget superhero movie - just on a smaller scale. I could definitely see Dante the Great being some kind of egomaniacal supervillain. It's a pretty fun segment, but I feel like it deserves a professional crew that could turn it into a full-length feature.

Parallel Monsters

This segment continues in the sci-fi fantasy vein, with a scientist/inventor building a technological gateway that opens a portal into a parallel dimension, wherein the inventor meets his doppelganger. They agree to switch places for fifteen minutes, and you're already beginning to worry that they might get mixed up and lost or something (or maybe I've watched too much Sliders). But a more certain sense of horror descends as the first guy begins to discover just how much different the other guy's universe is. There is a disturbing juxtaposition of Satanic imagery and porn, in what turns out to be a total sexual nightmare, from a world that seems to confuse violence with sex. When the people in the other world's faces start to glow, it's a little bit hokey, but the libidinal monsters they reveal to be residing in their shorts are 'b' horror gold. I'm not overly fond of mixing up violence with sex, but the concepts in this segment are too imaginative not to enjoy. I would have liked to have seen them in something with a more developed story.

Bonestorm

This segment is best poised to explore the lengths to which people might go in order to capture a video with viral potential, but instead of a haunting exploration of what the desire for fame can do to people, it's more of a portrait of a total douchebag who deserves to be sentenced to a mandatory lesson on journalistic ethics. A freelance videographer, he follows around a couple of skater punks with GoPros attached to their heads, trying (mostly unsuccessfully) to entice them into doing stupid stunts that will get them hurt, or even killed. He even goes so far as to lie to them about having the camera rolling, in a pathetic attempt to get them to re-try every dangerous stunt they perform that bears underwhelming results. The segment actually name drops both Jackass and Faces of Death, and features the kind of sexist douchebaggery we've come to expect from the V/H/S franchise.

The second half of the segment gets a little better, even as it ventures into the realm of fantasy. The videographer leads his subjects to Mexico with the promise of debauchery, but where you're maybe expecting a setup involving some kind of Borderland shit, what happens instead is that these kids just randomly happen into the middle of an esoteric ritual where they're beset by cultist freaks who may or may not be lepers or zombies. Yet, despite the assailants' apparently evil disposition, the skater punks still end up coming off the less sympathetic, as they flippantly initiate a murder spree to the tune of some hip hop track, like as if they think snuffing out people's lives is all just part of a music video. The skeleton zombies are really cool, but it's just unfortunate that they're encountered by such unlikable characters in a segment where you don't really care what happens, just so long as that sewer monster that keeps getting hinted at has a chance to come out and play - and even that turns out to be underwhelming.

Vicious Circles (again)

Two last comments before we're done. Towards the end of this segment (which is interspersed throughout the rest of the film), there's a part that takes place in the back seat of a taxicab. It starts out as kind of a male sex fantasy, only to devolve into a feminist revenge fantasy that feels awfully misguided. There is a lot of room in this world for an intelligent and sensitive treatment of the issues surrounding "revenge porn" (although you can bet you won't find it in this film - I don't know why they even bothered to take this approach, unless it's because they want to portray all segments of humanity in the worst way possible). But there's no more sympathy to be found in a woman who lies to a man in order to pull a gun on him and threaten to shoot his balls off, all because her ex-boyfriend filmed her and then sold the video to a porn site, than there is in the pathetic loser depicted in this scene, who seems calculated to misrepresent an entire industry, if not his entire sex as well.

I also find the idea that a porn leak can result in any kind of significant recognition or negative fame (unless you're a politician, or already a celebrity) to be an insincere approach to the theme of videos going viral. I would have surely appreciated a nuanced discussion of the kind of cases that involve a relatively tame cell phone pic leading to bullying and an innocent person's suicide, but again, this is not the movie for that. That's why, at the end, when the film decides to try on some social commentary, the pleas of "we're all sick", and "these videos fuck people up", sound pretentious, and fall on deaf ears, since what's been depicted throughout the whole feature is nothing even remotely resembling reality. At the same time, you kind of wish that guy hadn't uploaded the videos, after all. Not because seeing them - or wanting to be a part of this viral culture - somehow destroys our humanity (news flash: human nature itself is pretty despicable at times, and people have been trying to blame that on every popular trend since the dawn of man), but only to spare us the time wasted on watching this mostly pointless film.

The X-Files - S1:E14 "Gender Bender"

[ S1:E13 "Beyond The Sea" <<< Season 1 >>> S1:E15 "Lazarus" ]

A sexually preoccupied killer with the apparent ability to change sex at will starts picking off targets at a dance club, and Mulder traces the culprit back to an Amish-like religious cult in the woods of Massachusetts (which recalls for me M. Night Shyamalan's The Village, although that was released more than ten years later). After an episode like Beyond The Sea, it looks like we're in for another string of monster-of-the-week episodes. Still, every time I sit down to watch an episode that I'm not super-excited about, I'm always impressed with how absorbed I get into it. That's just how good this show is. This episode also features Nicholas Lea in a throwaway role, who will return to the series in a different (and much more important) role later on.

Memorable quotes:

Mulder: This guy's a walking aphrodisiac. He's the ultimate sex magnet.
Scully: He or she? You've got victims of both sexes. Both a man and a woman on the hotel security monitor.
Mulder: I know. That is a puzzle.
Scully: So what is our profile of the killer? Indeterminate height, weight, sex; unarmed, but extremely attractive.

Scully: I don't understand, how can they just disappear? They have no means of transportation.
Mulder: No earthly means of transportation.

Spring Breakers (2012)

I grew up during the heyday of MTV culture. In fact, my graduating high school yearbook sold out to MTV and ran a series of pop culture ads - right in the back of the yearbook! And though I always regarded MTV culture with a certain disdain - it seemed to represent to me a celebration of the sort of douchebag jock culture that I, an introverted nerd, grew to despise - I was always, unerringly, captivated by the whole "spring break" theme. Not unlike how I worshipped (in the days before I discovered internet porn) Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Edition, even as I had virtually no interest in sports and, thus, the rest of Sports Illustrated's regular issues. Spring break was all about hot girls in (and out of) bikinis, on tropical beaches, listening to live music. (I ignored the drugs and alcohol because those two things never interested me much).

In short, it was the place to be - especially from the perspective of a hormonal teen who didn't get enough attention from the ladies. And Girls Gone Wild was basically the porn version of that - hot chicks getting naked and doing sexy things while on the ultimate vacation of their young lives. Although I never got a hold of any actual GGW footage (I was still too young during the time I was aware of it to purchase it legally), I do remember staying up for their infomercial advertising slots late at night on frequent occasions, to let my horny imagination run wild with the teaser clips and censored shots they would run on television.

But the spring break theme wasn't the only thing drawing my attention to Spring Breakers. In any sexy movie about college coeds, a certain quota of debauchery is expected. But instead of casting known bad girl actresses, the cast list to this movie boasts several actresses with innocent, good girl reputations. We have Selena Gomez of Disney's Wizards of Waverly Place and Vanessa Hudgens of Disney's High School Musical, as well as Ashley Benson of Pretty Little Liars. And the fourth girl to round out the cast is the writer/director Harmony Korine's own wife Rachel. Aside from the creative benefits, this was also a brilliant marketing decision, because it gives the Disney girls a chance to reinvent their public image and show the world they've grown up. Lots of people are drawn to the spectacle of corrupted innocence, whether for pure or prurient reasons. And for these girls to be doing a movie like this - I count it a victory for those of us who court with the dark side of life.

Spring Breakers is the dramatic and sexy tale of four college girls trying to break out of the dull monotony of their lives. Spring break is their ticket to escape and freedom, and they'll get there even if they have to rob a diner to fund the trip. But it doesn't end there. They find themselves in jail after a wild party gets raided, and it's James Franco's rapper/gangsta with a heart of gold, self-styled as 'Alien', who bails them out. He likes these girls, but one by one they are whittled down to just the hardest, who can not only stand Alien's hustlin' lifestyle, but actually thrive in it. The audience is treated to quite a show of debauchery, not just involving the swingin' spring breakers' copious intake of sex and drugs, but all the money and guns the local criminal underground hoards and holds onto.

My first impression of Spring Breakers - aside from being pleased by all the exposed flesh - was a feeling that it should have been more Girls Gone Wild and less Gangster Paradise. Take the character of Faith (Gomez) for example. She's the odd girl out, being the most innocent and chaste of the group. She's religious, yet she seems to have no qualms about indulging in drugs and alcohol, and the general party atmosphere of spring break. I thought that was a nice opportunity to point out the hypocrisy, or general hollowness, of religion. But she's the first to bail out when Alien introduces the girls to Florida's criminal underground. She finds a spirituality in the beauty of the beach, and her friendship with the other girls, and the exceptionally enthusiastic mood of the spring breakers. But her stay in paradise is cut short when the going gets rough, and she decides to run back home.

But for a movie about partying and debauchery, Spring Breakers is surprisingly sincere and complex. My appreciation of its themes was greater upon second viewing. At first glance, Alien is a pathetic white gangster, whose immoral idealism idolizes a life of crime, who equates success and power with amassing obscene quantities of guns and money. And yet he manages to be sympathetic, and a lot of the fear and tension I felt at first before I really got to know Alien, changed to curiosity and concern when I saw how much he really did care for these girls. On the other hand, a deeper look reveals the cold, calculating cruelty of two of the girls in the group, who are likely sociopaths, and seem to be natural born criminals.

The movie does play very much like a fever dream, perhaps an homage in parts to the days of music video pop culture. Scenes are played, sometimes repeated, dialogue sometimes overlaid, not always in direct chronological order. But there's a sense of purpose to it. And a sort of sensitivity, an existential mood, permeates it all, so that even though these characters are committing crimes and dealing in debauchery, you feel for them and their search for the meaning in their lives. And yet it still concerns you - even scares you - when you see just how far some of them will go, can go, want to go, to satisfy their craving for excitement and adventure. But, nevertheless, it's one wild, endearing ride.

Masters of Horror: Season One (2005)

Masters of Horror is a series of one-hour short films that ran on Showtime, directed by many of the seminal horror directors of our time. The idea originated from a series of cordial dinner outings shared by a group of directors (many of which are represented in this series) spearheaded by Mick Garris. The project is unique in that it gives each director a clean slate to work from, to produce a short film in ten days, with practically nonexistent interference from any studios or higher-ups, to be run on television. I have just finished watching the first season, so I will review each of the episodes below. It may be worth noting that I did not watch the episodes in the order that they aired, but rather in the apparently random order they came in my box set.

Title: Jenifer
Director: Dario Argento
You might remember his film...Suspiria (1977)

Premise: Steven Weber stars in a screenplay he wrote based on a short comic about a man's unhealthy obsession with a feral creature that possesses the body of a beautiful woman, coupled with a monstrous face.

Opinion: I suppose I was expecting something a little more "colorful" from Dario Argento, but Jenifer left me feeling kind of lukewarm. It's a good story, and I really like that it approaches the topic of sex and sexual obsession, but the story really isn't that deep, and you can pretty much see where it's going after the first five minutes. Still, it is an interesting premise, although I'm not convinced that the male libido is so strong that a man would protect a carnivorous monster just because she's got a great rack, unless there's something supernatural at work. Dario brings his Italian sensibilities to the picture, which means he's not squeamish about the marriage of sex and violence like so many Americans are, although the result is that he was one of the only directors on the project who had to make a few cuts to his picture. In spite of the theme and the unflinching gore, I found this episode struggling to lift itself above "TV anthology horror" quality.

Title: Cigarette Burns
Director: John Carpenter
You might remember his film...Halloween (1978)

Premise: Norman Reedus (Daryl on The Walking Dead) stars as a cinephile and rare film finder hired to track down an obscure French film (La Fin Absolue du Monde, "The Absolute End of the World") which is rumored to have the power to whip everyone who watches it up into a mad frenzy of ultraviolence.

Opinion: I was genuinely impressed with this episode, which kept my attention glued to the screen throughout. Credit goes to the actors and director, of course, but also to the story, which, as an artist keenly attentive to issues of censorship and the power of art over people's lives, I found to be utterly fascinating. I agree with the director that the idea of a film being a weapon that induces violence is cockamamie, but as a fantasy it thrills the mind, and this episode explores under what fictional consequences might such a thing actually be possible. It is, in a Cartesian sense, a horrible vision of the natural progression of the idea that art moves people. Furthermore, it plays on the excitement every film buff experiences when in search of rare and infamous films.



Title: Pick Me Up
Director: Larry Cohen
You might remember his film...It's Alive (1974)

Premise: Two very different but equally charismatic serial killers match wits against one another when they both encounter a bus full of travelers broken down by the side of the road in the middle of nowhere.

Opinion: I wasn't familiar with Larry Cohen going into this episode so I didn't know what to expect, but it turned out to be really excellent. The two killers - one a hitchhiker and the other a trucker (named Walker and Wheeler) - are both really captivating on screen, and despite being villains, become your favorite characters. I suppose that means this episode isn't all that scary, as you're never particularly rooting for their victims, but it is lots of fun. You get to see their two different approaches to the trade, and how they clash when they both set eyes on the same prey. Very much recommended.


Title: Incident On And Off A Mountain Road
Director: Don Coscarelli
You might remember his film...Phantasm (1979)

Premise: A woman tries to escape a mutant serial killer in the mountains after a car accident, while thinking back on her relationship with the man who taught her the survival skills she'll need to stay alive.

Opinion: A fairly straightforward premise proves to be a rather clever and interesting juxtaposition of storylines, chronicling the lead actress' evolving relationship with a survivalist, and how those experiences have given her the knowledge and confidence to face her life-threatening chase through the woods with strength and ingenuity. For once, we get a heroine who is not helpless - even if some of her MacGyver-meets-The-Goonies antics (challenge: build a tripwire slingshot with a stick, a pocket knife, a pair of panties, and a length of skirt, and do it in the dark, before that deformed homicidal psycho catches up to you!) at times stretch the audience's credulity - that ultimately leads to a fresh and original ending. The balance of suspense and comfort between the two interposed storylines is handled exceptionally well. If this episode did not engage me quite as enthusiastically as Pick Me Up or Cigarette Burns, in the end it proves itself to be a worthy addition to the Masters of Horror series.


Title: Homecoming
Director: Joe Dante
You might remember his film...The Howling (1981)

Premise: The dead rise - but it's not brains, it's suffrage they want in this political satire condemning the Bush administration's unpopular war in Iraq.

Opinion: One of the great things about Masters of Horror is that - especially in conjunction with the DVD special features - it places an emphasis on the director, giving him more of a character and a personality than you might get by just watching movies through the years. Joe Dante was an unfamiliar name to me, but in addition to working on the Roger Corman-spearheaded Jaws knock-off Piranha, he also directed one of my favorite werewolf movies - the classic The Howling - as well as Gremlins, which, despite its comedic approach, gave me nightmares when I watched it as a child. Even though politics isn't really my thing, I respect Joe Dante for having the guts to tell a story with such a blatant political agenda. And despite it's - what some may call 'preachiness' - it's pretty entertaining, too. Although the premise's requirement that the zombies be sympathetic and not frightening characters detracts from its horror value, it does on the other hand present a refreshingly original (if irretrievably dated to the Bush administration) take in what has become an oversaturated subgenre of horror.


Title: Chocolate
Director: Mick Garris
You might remember his film...Stephen King's The Stand (1994)

Premise: The mastermind behind Masters of Horror Mick Garris writes and directs this psychological horror about a man who develops a psychic connection with a woman and is able to experience her feelings and sensations from the inside out.

Opinion: When I started watching Masters of Horror, the main question that hung on my mind was, knowing TV's reputation compared to film, could these master filmmakers manage to create a series whose quality exceeded that which one would expect from a TV anthology show? And so far, the evidence has been pointing overwhelmingly to "yes". Chocolate, despite being more of a psychological thriller than a straight horror, is no exception. In fact, it manages to conjure one of the creepier and more believable middle-of-the-night intruder-in-the-house scenes I can recall seeing. The premise is pretty interesting, and invokes a good bit of mystery, if it is a fairly arbitrary device to provide most of the piece's horror. Still, the character and his experiences are fascinating, and this story does include some sex and nudity. So, it's definitely no waste of an hour.


Title: Dreams In The Witch-House
Director: Stuart Gordon
You might remember his film...Re-Animator (1985)

Premise: In this adaptation of an H.P. Lovecraft story, a graduate student rents a room in an old house that is haunted by a witch hiding out in an alternate dimension who seduces victims into committing heinous deeds.

Opinion: I don't know whether to credit H.P. Lovecraft for the story - and his uniquely effective approach to horror - or Stuart Gordon (who has directed several other H.P. Lovecraft story adaptations in the past), but this episode of Masters of Horror was excellent. The crossing of these two minds is, perhaps, a match made in hell, as Gordon's approach to horror is equally impressive. He doesn't believe there is such a thing as "going too far", and he thinks the most effective horror stories are those where the creator breaks the rules, so you don't know what to expect (an opinion with which I wholeheartedly agree). In this story, the life of an innocent baby is in jeopardy, a witch takes advantage of string theory (for real!) to manipulate space and time, and her familiar - a rat with a human face - crawls around creeping people out. Plus we get a glimpse of the Necronomicon! Leave it to Lovecraft to get the creative juices flowing: I feel inspired to finally get around to reading his stories, as well as checking out some of Stuart Gordon's other films.


Title: Dance of the Dead
Director: Tobe Hooper
You might remember his film...Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)

Premise: Robert Englund (the original Freddy Krueger) stars in this adaptation of a Richard Matheson story as the MC of a gothic night club in a war-torn, post-apocalyptic, urban wasteland.

Opinion: Jessica Lowndes is illuminating as the last piece of innocence in a land ravaged by chemical warfare, even as she is seduced and corrupted by a group of punk thugs. This story is a dark and energetic look at an apocalyptic world where everyone has lost something, and few have the luxury to cling onto any sense of decency or morality. It's a pretty good story, but I unfortunately have to count the erratic cinematography against it. I know Tobe Hooper (who also directed Steven Spielberg's Poltergeist) has good reasons for making that stylistic decision - and it does put you into the zero-to-sixty mindspace of these characters - but it really detracted from my enjoyment of the episode with the constant camera movement and double, triple, quadruple images. A more judicious use of that device might have proved less annoying, but at least, the quality of the material underneath that filter was very good.


Title: Deer Woman
Director: John Landis
You might remember his film...An American Werewolf in London (1981)

Premise: A Native American legend about a half-woman, half-deer seductress comes to life in this tale of a jaded police officer's hunt for redemption.

Opinion: As to be expected from the man who directed Animal House and The Blues Brothers, John Landis mixes some humor into his episode of Masters of Horror. But, I'm happy to say, it's an intelligent and straight-faced humor, that doesn't undermine the horror of the piece. In fact, I like what he said in the interview special feature about trying to approach [both comedy and] horror with realism - not in terms of the supernatural themes, but in terms of the character's reactions to what's going on; that also has the effect of making them both more likable and more relatable. In this case, the characters recognize the absurdity of the concept of a deer woman seducing and then murdering men, but they're forced to accept the premise by the evidence that appears before them, while the mythical killer's own credibility and dangerousness is not reduced by its statistical and scientific improbability. The result is a pretty fun, if silly, story - and in truth, horror isn't always about being scary, it's about having a good time, too.


Title: The Fair Haired Child
Director: William Malone
You might remember his film...House On Haunted Hill (1999)

Premise: A schoolgirl is abducted by a distraught couple to feed a monster they summoned in a Satanic ritual to bring back their drowned son.

Opinion: To be honest, this was the first episode in a while that I felt was struggling to lift itself above TV anthology quality (in spite of that premise). However, the monster was very creepy - thanks to an effective design and the director's unsettling use of camera tricks. It looked and felt almost like something that could have escaped from The SCP Foundation. There is also a surreal element to this episode, sometimes bordering on the absurd. It wasn't bad, at all, but the basement ordeal drags a bit, and the ending, while twisty, just has too much of a happy-positive feeling. The bad guys aren't supposed to get their comeuppance, and the good guys aren't supposed to live happily ever after - as rarely happens in real life - that's part of what makes a good horror so unsettling.


Title: Sick Girl
Director: Lucky McKee
You might remember his film...May (2002)

Premise: A quirky entomologist enters a sweet romance with an erratic artist, which is disturbed by an aggressive monster bug that impregnates humans.

Opinion: The odds are against Lucky McKee. He's one of the newest and least experienced directors called on to the Masters of Horror project, his episode's story - about a parasitic bug - could easily fall into TV anthology territory, and his episode is as much romantic comedy as it is horror. And yet, he manages to churn out one of the more entertaining episodes in this series. He decides to make the protagonist female, thus allowing himself the opportunity to tell a somewhat more unusual story of an endearing lesbian romance. And the actress opposite the lead is none other than Erin Brown a.k.a. Misty Mundae - my favorite softcore porn actress! I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw her in this role, and she was perfect for it! The constant presence of the bugs that the lead is so enamored with maintains a creepiness factor throughout the story, even before the real horror erupts - and when it does, it's suitably devastating. I'm really impressed with what this unfamiliar director has done with his opportunity to join the Masters of Horror, and I'm intrigued by the other directing projects he's done so far.


Title: Haeckel's Tale
Director: John McNaughton
You might remember his film...Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986)

Premise: In this period piece adapted from a Clive Barker story, a man in mourning seeks the aid of a necromancer to bring back his deceased wife, and learns of the horror of love that transcends death.

Opinion: I was very excited to see Clive Barker's name attached to an episode of Masters of Horror, as he is an excellent writer, who writes disturbing and original stories. And John McNaughton succeeds at bringing this story to life, without shying away from the disturbing element of sexual perversity that flavors many of Barker's stories (not least of which includes the sadomasochistic overtones in Hellraiser). In this case, we have what I can enthusiastically report is the most erotic zombie sex scene I have ever seen, thanks in no small part to the casting of Leela Savasta who, as an art model, is not only comfortable with nudity, but possesses a flawless physical beauty. Other horror contained in this episode includes some re-animated dogs, which have that same excellently creepy feel as the dog in The Fly II which I love to fear so much. Additionally, the story is structured in a way - not unfamiliar in Clive Barker's stories - that it doesn't quite go in the predictable and cliched direction you might expect, instead ending up somewhere disturbing on a wholly novel level. Excellently done.


Title: Imprint
Director: Takashi Miike
You might remember his film...Audition (1999)

Premise: An American visits a notorious brothel in Meiji era Japan in search of his lost love. But the story he extracts from a prostitute gets increasingly disturbing the closer he comes to the truth.

Opinion: I had been looking forward to seeing Takashi Miike's episode of Masters of Horror ever since I started watching the series, after he impressed me with the deeply disturbing Audition years ago. Here, he does not disappoint. Imprint is easily the most unsettling episode in this series, which has the crucial distinction of being the only episode that Showtime wouldn't air. The setting of a seedy Meiji era brothel is intriguing, and the story just gets darker and darker as the protagonist plunges down the rabbit hole, delving into the past of one of the prostitutes - beautiful, in spite of her disfigured face - and her cohabitation with the woman he loved. The torture scene is brutally uncomfortable, in that uniquely subtle Japanese way, which distinguishes itself from the more aggressive American approach. I'm very happy that the Masters of Horror made a point to include a director to represent Asian horror in their series, and I couldn't be happier with their choice of Takashi Miike. If there is one complaint I have against this episode, it's that the actors' thick Japanese accents are at times hard to understand. I would just as soon have watched the episode in Japanese with English subtitles, but I understand this episode was filmed with an American audience distinctly in mind.

In conclusion, I can say that I am very impressed with the first season of Masters of Horror. It exceeded my modest expectations of a television anthology series, and lived up to its promise given the level of talent involved. Most importantly, I had a lot of fun watching these short films, and learning more about the directors behind the camera. Doing so has repeatedly sparked my inspiration, and led me to seek out many of the other titles several of these directors have previously worked on. I look forward to getting an opportunity at some point in the future to see the second season of Masters of Horror, and I urge all dedicated horror fans to give this series a look!

V/H/S (2012)

So I finally got around to watching V/H/S, and I'll tell you, I liked it. You can't really take it too seriously, in terms of expecting everything that happens to make total sense, but if you're willing to just sit back and enjoy a bunch of found footage shorts, you just might like it. I think the idea is extremely clever - a horror anthology (like Creepshow or Tales From The Crypt) totally in the found footage style. And, I actually thought it was pretty scary, too (which is something I've found that found footage does more effectively than traditional filming styles in the horror genre). One warning though, if you can't stand "shaky cam" movies, you'd best avoid this one.

Note: The rest of this review may contain some spoilers. Nothing too detailed, but if you want to go in completely fresh, then I suggest you watch the film first before reading on.

So the "wraparound" story ("Tape 56") deals with this group of immature jerkwads who go around committing petty crimes and filming them, presumably for the entertainment of likeminded blowhards on the internet. And then they get this job where they have to break into some old guy's house to steal a VHS tape. Except, the old guy turns out to be dead, and his house is filled with VHS tapes. So they start watching some of them, and it turns out this guy has a treasure trove of found footage.

The first segment, titled Amateur Night, introduces three douchebags with a glasses camera looking to bag some drunk chicks from a bar, bring them back to a hotel room, and film them having sex with them (presumably so they can upload the video to the 'net). Except one of the chicks they bag turns out to have a very terrifying secret - she's not exactly human. The guys in this segment, as the guys in the wraparound, were very obnoxious, but apart from that, the segment had a nice balance of gore and nudity, and was genuinely creepy once the shit started to hit the fan.

The second segment is titled Second Honeymoon, and ostensibly seems to be a recording of a young married couple's "second honeymoon" road trip to the Grand Canyon. But they come across a suspicious girl at their motel who, it seems, is inexplicably able to sneak into their room at night. The segment ends with a very brutal murder (remarkably so) and something of an unexpected twist. I have to admit, even aside from the gore, just the idea of somebody sneaking into your room at night and watching you while you sleep (not necessarily with good intentions) is pretty terrifying.

The third segment, titled Tuesday the 17th, is a not-so-subtle parody/homage (take your pick) to Friday the 13th styled slashers, about a girl who lures three of her friends out to the woods in an attempt to capture video evidence of a local rampaging killer. The acting is atrocious, and this segment would be eminently forgettable, if it weren't for the video tricks utilized. The killer only shows up on the camera in the form of a glitch, presumably because of some kind of (quite possibly supernatural) electromagnetic interference. It's actually a neat trick that ramps up the mystery, and contributes to the viewer's fear of what exactly the characters are up against.

The fourth segment has the rather unwieldy title of The Sick Thing That Happened To Emily When She Was Younger, and comes in the form of an internet video conference between two lovers. The girl (who is not nearly as flawless, but oddly has some of the look and mannerisms of Chloe Moretz) is having some problems with her apartment - she thinks it's haunted. So we're treated to a very much Paranormal Activity style horror, albeit one that has an unexpected and somewhat ineffective (even if it was a neat idea) conclusion. Props for the addition of nudity, though, especially because - come on - this is a webcam convo, after all.

The fifth and last segment is titled 10/31/98. We are introduced to another group of overconfident young males (slightly less obnoxious than previous groups), on the night of Halloween, in search of a party they were invited to. They have a bit of trouble finding it, contributing to the suspicion that the house they eventually arrive at may or may not be the right one. Regardless, it's rather large and nicely furnished, but noone is there partying. They find a way inside and begin to explore the house. Various subtle paranormal activity follows, leading the men to believe it's some kind of Halloween trick - you know, a haunted house. They make their way to the attic, where they hear some men chanting, and find a woman tied up, the focus of some kind of ritual. They eventually discover that this is not, in fact, a party, and even as they try to save the girl and escape, the paranormal activity in the house ramps up considerably, trying to trap them inside.

If there's any complaint I have with this movie, it's that it spends a lot of time depicting the douchebaggery of today's stereotypical over-testosteroned male. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the female nudity (and even to a lesser extent, I like that they didn't just limit the nudity to the female), but it was almost always in the context of men being douchebags - like assaulting a woman on the street and forcibly stripping her on camera, or a guy trying to secretly film himself having sex with his girlfriend, or another guy pathetically begging his wife to take off her sweatshirt and kiss her with the camera rolling.

It doesn't make me hate this movie, because it's not a drama or an anthropological documentary - it's a horror, and it's effective (in my opinion) at being scary, even if I don't like the characters (in fact, I might be more receptive to the violence if it's being exacted on unsympathetic characters - that's open to debate), and after all, if a horror movie is out to depict the horror that exists in the world (real or not), then that contributes to my feeling of disgust.

But, it just makes me think about how men treat women in the real world, and wish we had better examples of men enjoying the sexual delights of women in a way that doesn't suggest that men are pigs and rapists, or lead you to the insidious conclusion that, like vandalism and theft, sex is an antisocial crime committed by immature men, in this case against women (who, nevertheless, may or may not have the ability to defend themselves and exact terrible, murderous revenge).

On the other hand, I am extremely happy to see a found footage film that doesn't shy away from the fact that putting the technology of homemade videomaking into the hands of the populace leads to a lot of people wanting to film some sex. Sex tapes, webcam videos, even the concept of voyeurism itself implies the marriage of sex and video technology. So even though this is horror and not porn, I was very excited to see some actual sex and nudity for once in a found footage film.

sex, lies, and videotape (1989)

With a title like "sex, lies, and videotape", this film has garnered quite a reputation, and you have a tendency to impose certain expectations - like that it be particularly salacious. Which, it's not, really. It's intimate, but it didn't strike me the way I was expecting it to.

As a film, it's very intriguing, and it builds an engrossing atmosphere, with an emphasis on character and psychology. And the premise is, indeed, fascinating. James Spader is excellent as a mysterious drifter who is allegedly impotent in the presence of women, but who likes instead to videotape interviews with women about their sex lives. (Although this does contribute to the stereotype that voyeurs are freaks who can't attract/satisfy a partner, and so must resort to watching from a distance).

I thought - and it appears this way at first - that this would be a positive characterization of a 'voyeur' whom the audience can respect and understand, who doesn't hurt or lie to people, and actually manages to approach sex from a unique perspective that helps even mainstream people relate to their own sexual experiences in a stronger way (like what happens with Cynthia). And it is, for a while. But then we come to the end, and the plot gets kind of confusing, and it turns out this guy is a 'recovering' pathological liar, and his scheme with the videotapes was just a pathetic ruse to get his nine years long ex-girlfriend whom he may have been physically abusive toward to see that he's a better person now.

Yeah. I don't know what to say. Fascinating premise, good atmosphere and characters. But I'm not sure what I'm supposed to take away from this movie, and I'm really not sure that, whatever it is, it's anything close to what exactly I'd like a movie with this premise to say.