Evil Dead Rise (2023) & Bone Tomahawk (2015)

Apparently, there's a new Evil Dead movie out. I saw it on Netflix, so I figured I'd give it a watch. If you know me, you know I'll never quit a movie once I've started it. Never. But I couldn't finish this one. I didn't even make it to the halfway point before I completely lost interest. Honestly, typing my thoughts out seems like more fun than watching the rest of this movie (it's still playing in the background). Although I'm an honest reviewer, I like to give creators the benefit of the doubt, because I know how hard it is to tell a story, and pour your heart out onto the page (or screen). I may be a critic, but I don't enjoy being critical. But this movie is worthless. I can't believe it has so many favorable reviews on IMDb. Somebody paid a lot of money to generate hype.

When they filmed an Evil Dead remake in 2013, I loved it. I'm not that hard to please. I thought this movie would follow in its footsteps, be some kind of a sequel. But it's just a hollow cash grab. The characters are uninteresting. The writing is nonexistent. The original Evil Dead had ridiculous gore effects just for their own sake - and it worked, because it was legitimately entertaining, and didn't take itself too seriously. This movie can't even hide the fact that it's contriving situations that make no logical or emotional sense just for some cheap freakouts. It's like the director is constantly bashing you over the head saying, "you're watching a movie, remember?", instead of letting you get engrossed in it. Maybe he should have directed a carnival ride instead of a piece of cinema.

It has all the hallmarks of bad modern horror: unsympathetic characters, jump scares punctuated by an obnoxious soundtrack, gross-out in favor of constructing atmosphere. Even the cute little girl that's a cliche in these kind of movies has an unnecessary lisp (we get it, she's a kid) and an inexplicable British accent. Don't be tricked by the halfway decent-looking cold open, because it's just misdirection; after the title card, the movie swerves and spends the rest of its runtime in some dingy apartment (shot with a blue filter), featuring completely unrelated characters.

The only thing this movie has going for it (and I'll give it that, though it's not much) is the look of the Necronomicon - including the artwork inside its pages. I'd love to have a recreation of it to display on my bookshelf. But it's a cool prop that deserves to be in a better movie. It's not worth sitting through this drudgefest just to see a few glimpses of it. This movie doesn't work as a standalone horror film, and it's even worse in connection to the Evil Dead franchise.

Okay, I'm watching the climax now, and it's a little bit interesting. It's weird how the characters look better drenched in blood. But it's not worth torturing yourself for 75 minutes just for a semi-decent payoff. And the homages to earlier Evil Dead films are falling flat. If the filmmakers wanted audiences to enjoy the ending, they should have stuck it at the end of a better movie. There's no excuse for this.

By contrast - and I feel bad mentioning these two titles in the same breath, but it serves as an effective counterpoint - I just watched Bone Tomahawk last night, and it was amazing. As a novel fusion of the horror and Western genres, it already starts with an intriguing premise. But what makes it so great is the writing. The characters are interesting. Their dialogue is smart, and entertaining. Most of the movie is just setup to a final encounter with a group of cannibalistic savages on the Western frontier, but the movie would be hardly less interesting if it had just been the setup, without any payoff. That's how you do it.

You have to know that I don't have anything against the horror genre (I wouldn't have published hundreds of reviews of horror movies if I didn't love horror), but when the genre becomes synonymous with pornography - cheap smut with only one simple purpose - it does itself a great disservice. The writing in Bone Tomahawk was so good, it attracted a higher caliber of actors, including Kurt Russell, Patrick Wilson, and David Arquette (I didn't recognize Richard Jenkins, but he was phenomenal in this, too). This is the vision I see for horror - like a more sophisticated form of erotica, a respected art form that's technically proficient while still delivering the thrills audiences crave. I implore you, don't waste your time watching Evil Dead Rise. Elevate your palate and watch Bone Tomahawk instead. That's the kind of project that deserves our support as horror-loving movie fans.

The X-Files - S2:E24 "Our Town"

[ S2:E23 "Soft Light" <<< Season 2 >>> S2:E25 "Anasazi" ]

Our Town opens intriguingly with what appears to be a midnight tryst between an older man and a girl fresh out of high school. But, since this is The X-Files, it doesn't end quite like you'd expect. After being assigned to investigate the case of a federal poultry inspector gone missing in Dudley, Arkansas (home of Chaco Chicken), Scully is convinced the bureau is wasting their talents again, but Mulder relishes the opportunity to go chasing after foxfire in the Ozarks. But though the phenomenon in question may turn out to be less supernatural than foxfire, it is no less terrifying. This is a captivating episode, with great writing - including more of that humorous banter between Mulder and Scully - and a compelling mystery that unfolds piecemeal. As an interesting side-note, Mulder mentions the Anasazi tribe in passing, which will feature more prominently in the next episode.

Memorable quotes:

Scully: They're sending us on some kind of a wild goose chase.
Mulder: Chicken chase.

Scully: So, Mulder, are you ready to admit they've sent us on a fool's errand?
Mulder: If a fool would persist in his folly, he would become wise, Scully.

Mr. Chaco: They're perfect creatures, you know. We eat their meat, their eggs, sleep on pillows stuffed with their feathers. Not many people I know are as useful as these chickens.

Mulder: Who knows, Scully. This could turn out to be even more interesting than foxfire.

Scully: I just came up with a sick theory, Mulder.
Mulder: Ooh, I'm listening.

Mulder: From vampirism to Catholicism, whether literally or symbolically, the reward for eating flesh is eternal life. I don't claim to know how it works.

Horror Movies For Halloween

Note: This collection of mini-reviews was originally posted on Bridge To Better Days. I am reposting it here for archival purposes. It has been backdated to the date of its original posting.

October 31st wasn't any different from the rest of the days in October for me, but for me, Halloween isn't a day, it's a month. And that month is Shocktober. In addition to playing a vaguely horror-related game - Pathologic - for the entire month (and I still haven't finished it yet), I spent the whole month watching horror movies, as is my custom. So now I'm going to list all the horror movies I've watched over the past month, and maybe say a brief word or two (or three hundred - cuz, you know, it's me we're talking about here) about each one:

Cannibal Holocaust (1980) - The goriest movie I've ever seen. Do not recommend it to animal lovers. If you can get past the gross-out factor, though (and while it is over the top, it does serve a purpose to the story), it does have some redeeming factors - including a commentary on journalistic exploitation (which some would argue is ironically weakened by the film's own exploitative nature). This is the ultimate "jungle savages" flick.

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974) - Good movie. For its reputation, it's surprisingly chaste compared to modern gorror standards, and yet, it still manages to be genuinely frightening. The bone room is terrifying, the final girl's ordeal at the dinner table is excruciating, and Leatherface's chain saw dance in front of the setting sun at the end of the movie is CLASSIC.

The Hills Have Eyes (1977) - I actually saw the 2006 remake of this film while it was running in theaters. I think both versions are good, and pretty creepy - the newer perhaps a bit more intense, though. I remember the rape scene being more disturbing in the newer version. Still, I like the older version and it stands on its own. "We'll be french fries - human french fries!"

Day of the Woman a.k.a. I Spit On Your Grave (1978) - A writer-ess from the city gets raped by a gang of country bumpkins and exacts murderous revenge against them. Although ostensibly a feminist's wet dream, the exploitative nature of the film arguably demeans that (what is it with everybody being against exploitation, anyway?). The lead actress in this flick is not only stunningly gorgeous, but actually quite naked for a significant portion of the film, including crawling around in the forest. You might think I'm sick for saying that, what with all the brutal rape going on, but it wasn't the rape I was admiring. It's just unfortunate that, with public morals the way they are, the only way I can get my desired dose of flesh is packaged with either hardcore sex, or violence. Best line: "suck it, bitch" (the second time you hear it ;).

The Last House on the Left (1972) - My experience of this movie was poisoned by a later realization that I probably viewed a censored version of the film. I read comments about it being incredibly intense, but I found it rather tame (likely due to the lack of cut scenes). Still, compared to the later version, it was a cakewalk. It still had its moments, though - like when they actually made the girls strip in the woods. Great '70s feel to it. "My parents work in the iron and steel industry - my mom irons and my dad steals."

The Last House on the Left (2009) - Because of the tameness of the vintage version, I decided to give the brand new remake a watch. The actress in the lead role was totally gorgeous, which made the rape scene all the more disappointing. Because they hardly even stripped her. :-( And, believe it or not, the articles of clothing they did take off had a tendency to magically reappear in the next shot. >:O Anyway, it was pretty intense, the worst parts being not the brutal murders, but the impromptu medical procedures (the dad character is a doctor). Yeah, the medical stuff always gets to me. For some reason, sewing a nose back on is a lot more disturbing to me than slicing it off in the first place...

Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986) - Great film. It's very unassuming, and not like your typical serial killer suspense thriller. It's like a behind the scenes look at the life of a serial killer - absent any kind of overbearing moral agenda (in either direction). It just presents you with this killer - who could actually be a decent guy if it weren't for his bloodlust - doing what he does. "Well, I guess I love you too..."

My Bloody Valentine (2009) - Modern remake of an older film about a miner/serial killer who wields a mean pick axe. The movie itself didn't jump out at me, but I made a point to see this version for one specific reason - the much hyped nude scene. One of the characters is fully nude for like a whole 5 minutes. Verdict? The actress was very "porno chic" (and I say that in the nicest way - though it just isn't my style), but other than that, I give the scene two thumbs up - that includes the actress for doing the scene (I read that it was actually her idea to do it completely nude), as well as the guys behind the cameras for going along with it (not because they wouldn't want to - I mean, come on - but because most people would be too much of a pussy to stand up against the censors for a scene like that). I just hope (against hope) that scenes like these become more common place in a wider variety of films. The only thing that bugged me was what the trucker said after his naked "date" followed him out of the motel room and into the parking lot - "put some clothes on before some kid sees you." *facepalm*

The Brood (1979) - Brought to my attention by some guy I forgot, The Brood is a David Cronenberg film - if that doesn't mean anything to you, then forget it. Admittedly, the actual film experience was far tamer than I was expecting based on the hype, but it was still a good movie. About some brood of murderous children incarnated into flesh by a fringe psych practice ("psychoplasmics", I believe). The birthing scene is pretty icky, but most of the rest of the creepiness factor comes from the juxtaposition of children and murderous violence.

The Fly (1986) - Thinking of David Cronenberg got me remembering that I had never seen (or at least not within memory) his remake of The Fly. I'd seen the old Vincent Price version, and the remake's sequel, but not the remake itself, which is highly (and rightly) acclaimed. Very good, and really got me thinking about the (admittedly fictional) logistics of teleportation (as well as its risks). "I'm saying, I'll hurt you if you stay..."

The Evil Dead (1981) - The extent of my familiarity with this cult classic (regarding it and its sequels as one) has been a few recycled quips (to great effect) in Duke Nukem, and a couple minutes watching a scene from Army of Darkness before switching the channel in disgust (at the slapstick, not the gore). I had read that the first movie was more serious (which indeed it is), so I decided to watch it. I liked it. It manages to be pretty scary, and the over the top gore fx are impressive.

Evil Dead II (1987) - I had read that Evil Dead's sequel was sort of an overlap to the original movie, with some stuff added in, and having watched the first one, I couldn't withhold my curiosity about the inevitable comparisons, so I watched the sequel. It was a lot campier, to my disappointment, but it still had some redeeming qualities, such as some of the fx, and certain aspects of Bruce's - er, I mean Ash's - growing caricaturization; that is, the parts that managed to be cool instead of just plain silly.

Army of Darkness (1992) - And, having come this far, I couldn't resist watching Army of Darkness, just to round the experience out. The slapstick still bothered me, but it was slightly more tolerable in the context of the whole film. Interestingly, I remembered some of the plot points, as well as certain quotes, from an Army of Darkness Doom mod I've played. I have to admit, though, that the immortal quotes (such as, "hail to the king, baby") were more entertaining in Duke Nukem, when they had already become legendary (and were spoken in such a manner), rather than here in this movie when they're still nothing more than cheesy dialogue. :p I was also surprised to find out that this movie was an inspiration for Peter Jackson's later filming of The Battle At Helm's Deep in his silver screen Lord of the Rings adaptation(s) - but the similarities are blatantly obvious, even down to some of the orc - er, skeleton - yells. It's just weird for me to draw such a connection between a silly movie like this and a serious movie like LotR...

Dead Alive a.k.a. Braindead (1992) - Speaking of Peter Jackson, he also did this film, which is notable for its ridiculous - no, make that ludicrous - overabundance of gore. The film itself was kind of so-so for me, and some of it was just grossness for the sake of gross-out. But I cannot deny the sheer brilliance of, for example, the lawnmower scene. Just watch it. Words are not necessary.

Shaun of the Dead (2004) - I had been told this was a really good movie, and supposedly one of the best zombie movies ever. And despite it being a comedic parody of the zombie genre, I decided to watch it anyway. It was indeed entertaining, and a very well accomplished film. I can see why so many people love it. I still prefer serious zombie flicks, though, despite my ensuing decision to go on a zomcom binge:

The Return of the Living Dead (1985) - Since having seen Night of the Living Dead, and reading about the split between the "Dead" and the "Return" sequels, I've been curious about both. The Return titles take themselves far less seriously, but they (well, some of them, at least) do have some things going for them. Return of the Living Dead is funny and entertaining without becoming too silly, and the style/approach of the zombies is very iconic - foggy graveyards, hands reaching out of the ground, etc. The soundtrack to this film is also great, with a lot of rocking tracks. It's very much an '80s movie, but I say that in a good way. I liked the assorted cast of stereotypically punk kids - especially Trash, the girl with an erotic obsession with death, who does not hesitate for a second to strip naked and dance on top of a tomb. "Do you ever fantasize about being killed?" Also, Tarman, the first zombie that comes out of the canister, is by far one of the coolest looking (and sounding, and moving) zombies I've seen, from a stylish (rather than strictly scary) perspective.

Return of the Living Dead Part II (1988) - Part II has that late '80s, cusp-of-the-'90s feel to it, with younger kids in one or two of the lead roles, and more of a neighborhood-wide setting compared to the more claustrophobic first. Also, some elements from the first movie are recycled here, including two of the characters (played by the same actors), who are reinvented (rather than continued) to lesser effect. It was okay, but not as good as the first - although the foggy grave-rising effect remained in top form.

Return of the Living Dead III (1993) - III is not only atrociously submerged in '90s-ism, but it also tries to take itself far too seriously - and that's coming from me - trying to be some kind of dramatic love story where one of the lovers happens to turn into a brain-feasting zombie (although she fights her urges, very hard). Riverman was an interesting character, but ultimately I'd call this one a flop - even the "kickass" sadomasochistic garb the zombie girl dons managed to miss the mark for me...

Dawn of the Dead (1978) - Night's true sequel. I have utmost respect for Romero's original zombie trilogy - now that I've actually seen it. The best part is the sense of the advance of the zombie apocalypse from one film to the next. As everybody knows (right?), in Dawn, our heroes hole themselves up inside a large indoor shopping mall. I guess it's supposed to be a social commentary about consumerism (which I sympathize with), but still, I can't help thinking that if I was in their situation, with an entire shopping mall (and all it's included goods) at my fingertips, that would be a pretty sweet way to live.

Day of the Dead (1985) - I think I liked Day even more than Dawn. Reminds me most - of the three - of 28 Days Later. The early scene in the abandoned city is great. The military guy is a real jerk, but as a character, he's great fun. Dr. "Frankenstein" and his tamed zombie Bub are excellent - the concept of tamed zombies has a strong tendency to misfire (from a serious, rather than a comedic, perspective), but here it's achieved perfectly.

Land of the Dead (2005) - Good concept, entertaining movie, but ultimately disappointing as a Romero film. It turns out I have a hard time taking a film starring John Leguizamo seriously. :shrugs: Also, I know the film hinges on blurring the line between the living and the walking dead, but I don't think the zombies were "zomby" enough. Especially the lead one, who learns faster than the others - as has been noted elsewhere, he looked more like a modern movie vampire (the monster kind, not the emo kind), than a zombie. Ah well.

Suspiria (1977) - Interestingly, I had seen Suspiria's sequel Inferno the same time I first saw Night of the Living Dead (I had picked it up on a whim), so I thought it an appropriate match to watch this after having caught up on the Romero series. Suspiria is a Dario Argento classic which makes full use of the audio and visual aspects of the film medium. Lights, colors, great spooky music, and a creepy story about a witches' coven that runs a dance school. This movie has a fantastic atmosphere, and is the kind you can just put on at Halloween and it'll set the mood perfectly.

Profondo Rosso a.k.a. Deep Red (1975) - Since I liked Suspiria so much, I decided to pick up another Dario Argento classic. Deep Red wasn't as visually stunning for me, and it drags on a bit long, but it's a good classic murder mystery, with some surprising turns, and the use of music in the suspenseful pre-murder scenes is just plain kickass.

Paranormal Activity (2007)

Zombie Strippers (2008) - Going from the title and description, I was expecting this movie to be terrible - and it pretty much was - but, it was a lot more watchable, and had a lot more redeeming qualities, than I was expecting. Okay, I find the concept of a movie that takes place in a strip club intriguing. Don't judge me. Of course, I don't find decaying flesh to be attractive (I swear), but there's a certain novelty value to the idea of stripping zombies. "That chick is cold as the dead flesh of a stripping zombie." The goth chick was pretty hot, until she began to rot. Low point: the V-Cannon...

Outbreak (1995) - More of a Hollywood action-adventure thriller (have you seen the cast list?) than a horror, per se, but there's undoubtedly a horror element to a good deadly virus outbreak plot. Plus, it relates to the theme of that game I mentioned that I'm still playing, so it's relevant to my current preoccupations. I enjoyed the movie, and it was actually quite intense at parts, like the very end.

Dying Breed (2008)

Note: This review is part of my coverage of Horrorfest III.

Dying Breed

Dying Breed has an interesting idea, if not altogether original - something like a Hills Have Eyes with an added adventure element, since it's set out in the Tasmanian wilderness. Unfortunately, the main characters are downright idiotic, and thus I found it very hard to sympathize with them whatsoever. Especially the obnoxious one. Bad idea: taking a misoxenist (xenophobe?) on an international trip. By the way, if you're taking your car out into the Tasmanian wilderness, don't expect it to come out still in brand new condition! God, that guy was a jerkass. At least his head ended up in a mantrap (a beartrap set for people).

As for the reasoning behind the adventure, it's all about trying to get proof that the Tasmanian Tiger is not extinct and still lives in seclusion in the Tasmanian wilderness. One girl went out and got a photograph of a paw print in the mud, but didn't make it out alive. Now, her sister is going back to finish the job. But what's waiting for them is not just a presumably extinct species of tiger, but also a secluded town harboring an ugly secret involving inbreeding and cannibalism. The Tasmanian Tiger's existence quickly takes a back seat to the characters' own survival.

The shots and locations were pretty scenic and set a good atmosphere. Unfortunately, as I said above, the obnoxiousness of the travelers distracted from the film. And ultimately, I think I would have enjoyed it better if there was more tiger and less inbred cannibal...

AMC's Fearfest (2008)

Note: This collection of mini-reviews was originally posted on Bridge To Better Days. I am reposting it here for archival purposes. It has been backdated to the date of its original posting.

This year's Monsterfest on AMC is shorter (if memory serves), with a worse lineup (where's my Hellraiser?!), and renamed to Fearfest. What's the tradeoff? We get a celebrity host in the form of Rob Zombie. Which is kinda neat, but I'd rather have more and better movies. Still, it's a whole week of horror titles, and there's bound to be something good in there. Following are some notes about some of the movies I've watched in the past week - mostly the ones I haven't seen before (though not exclusively).

A Nightmare on Elm Street 2 (1985) - The first Nightmare on Elm Street movie is undeniably one of the great classics of the horror genre. This sequel, though unsurprisingly, doesn't hold a candle to the first installment. One thing it does have going for it, though, is the kickass rock music - which sounds great despite being very 80's.

Motel Hell (1980) - This movie was so great. The perfect combination of comedy and horror. It was funny without making fun of itself, and without killing the creepiness of the plot. The innocent motorcycle accident victim girl was very alluring throughout, and Farmer Vincent was delightfully demented. The climax involving a pig's head mask and a chainsaw duel was just totally outstanding. Two thumbs up.

Constantine (2005) - This is one I saw back in college a number of years ago. Really more of an action film featuring [supernatural] horror elements rather than a horror film, but entertaining just the same. I think I understood it a bit better this time through.

Panic Room (2002) - And this one's actually a thriller, not a horror. Jodie Foster and her daughter (her movie daughter, that is) hold out against three robbers looking to steal a fortune hidden in their house. Pretty tense, and overall an entertaining movie. Forest Whitaker plays very well the part of a bad guy who has enough morals to make you feel bad for him when things don't work out in the end. I liked it.

Pet Sematary Two (1992) - For once, a sequel that's actually pretty decent. Maybe even as good as the first. The Pet Sematary movies are so sick in that they play on that fear of children losing their pets, and then pervert it by adding a creepy zombie twist. Good stuff, though. I found the fat kid to be pretty easy to sympathize with, and the bully was just a real jackass. He totally has it coming when he gets done in later in the story...

House on Haunted Hill (1999) - Entertaining, and actually manages to sit outside the realm of crappy "no soul" remakes. This one claims to be "faithful" to the original, and while it's totally respectful to the original, and in no way "unfaithful", I just don't know if "faithful" is a word I'd use, since it adds this whole totally supernatural element to the story. Anyway, I love that the one actor totally pulls off the "Vincent Price" persona. It gives the film a whole 'nother layer of authenticity. Anyway, it's a fun ride, and who can say no to Ali Larter? Not I.

Return to House on Haunted Hill (2007) - Crap. Pure, utter crap. I couldn't even watch it. It's just got that whole sleazy, modern direct-to-video feel, meaning a crappy plot, with really crappy actors. Don't bother. (Still better than Pinata: Survival Island, though...)

Bordello of Blood (1996) - Taken for what it is (a Tales From The Crypt movie - and thus, not to be taken seriously), this was a rather entertaining flick about a vampire whorehouse hidden in the basement of a mortuary. Dennis Miller absolutely sells this movie, in the role of a witty private investigator. His quips are without a doubt the main feature (intended or not). By the way, watching another "tale from the crypt" reminds me how much I absolutely despise The Crypt Keeper. It's not just that his puns are absolutely terrible (which, let's face it, is true of most puns), or that you can see them coming from a mile away, but the way in which he hams them up so much just completely kills whatever impact they might otherwise have had... and his laugh is just so damn obnoxious! Moving on...

Jeepers Creepers (2001) - Wow, the first act of this movie is outstanding (by the way, note to Quentin Tarantino: the beginning scene in this movie is how casual chit-chat in a horror movie should be done). If only the rest of it stood up, this would be one of my favorites, but unfortunately the movie sort of descends into mediocre supernatural horror by the 1/3 mark or so. And that's ironic, because I usually say that I prefer a good supernatural monster flick to another run of the mill serial killer story. But this movie starts out as a really good serial killer movie, then drops to the level of a run-of-the-mill devil-on-the-loose story. Still worth seeing, though.

An American Werewolf in London (1981) - A classic of the werewolf subgenre, and, from what I can tell, frequently compared to The Howling, which I saw last year. I have to say, I much prefer the werewolves in The Howling - the ones in An American Werewolf look too much like bears, actually. But, the whole part in the moors, and the Slaughtered Lamb pub, is totally atmospheric and creepy. And the rest of the movie is pretty entertaining. I think I like The Howling better overall, but they're both good lycanthrope classics.

The Dark Half (1993) - Interestingly, a Stephen King novel adapted and directed by George Romero, about a writer (whodathunkit?) whose dark and gritty alter-ego literally comes to life. It's an entertaining story very well-executed, with lots of suspense and mystery, but as far as being strictly scary, I wouldn't necessarily call it a straight horror. The flocking sparrows did seem to channel The Birds just a little bit, though.

Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday (1993) - Mediocre at best. Too much plot, and not enough horny teenagers. Jason just isn't as intimidating hopping from one body to another. It was an interesting surprise to see the mysterious informant "X" from The X-Files (Deepthroat's replacement) playing the part of a bounty hunter who inexplicably knows all the details behind Jason's secret supernatural origin. What the hell was Freddy Krueger doing at the very end there? Was that supposed to be a setup for Freddy vs. Jason? That was weird.

Willard (2003) - A captivating story about a timid man who is driven mad by his jackass of a boss, and seeks revenge after befriending a host of rats he finds in his basement. But not all of the rats are so willing to follow the man's orders. Excellent acting by Crispin Glover in the lead role. Pretty darn good for a movie about rats.

Christine (1983) - Another Stephen King story, about a geek who buys a junk car (named Christine) and then turns into a cool cat practically overnight. Trouble is, the car is possessed, and a pretty jealous lover. Yeah, it sounds kinda silly, but this was actually a very good movie. And hey, it was directed by John Carpenter. I love how Christine always plays these old 50's-style rock n roll songs (she was "born" in 1957), and then the last line in the movie, by one of the survivors, is... "god I hate rock n roll". In most situations, I'd be annoyed by a line like that. But here, it just works.

Tooth And Nail (2007)

Note: This review is part of my coverage of Horrorfest II.

Tooth And Nail

This one's a winner. I didn't even remember what at all this film was about when it came on, so I wasn't sure what to expect, but I was impressed with what it had to give. It's a post-apocalypse story, which is a good start in my mind. But it has a unique approach and appeal. Mankind hasn't been completely wiped out, and there was no massive apocalypse, by way of explosion, deadly disease, monster mutations, or anything like that. We simply ran out of gas. No cars, no electricity, no heat. People went crazy, life became survival, and many died. People ran south, for the warmth, but the crowding and the fighting over supplies makes it a danger zone. This story focuses on a group of mostly young adults, "The Foragers", living in a hospital up north, where people are scarce, and their fatal run-in with a group known as "The Rovers".

After saving a young woman from these Rovers one day, the Foragers become their next target. Turns out the Rovers are a band of cannibals - and dressed for the part. Their appearance, attitude, and hunger label them as Vikings, savages, barbarians, beasts among men. They all wear hides and armors and other intimidating battle gear, and they all carry brutal killing weapons. They come out at night, usually taking one life per day, to feast on. Humans keep fresh better when they're alive, you see. But it's only a matter of time before they eat you to the last one. But the Foragers' attitude is, "if they want dinner, they're gonna have to pay for it."

Among the Foragers, there's Darwin, the professor/leader, the old man of the group. He's smart, and knows how to keep things in control. There's Viper, the man with a hot temper and a distaste for authority. Dakota, the clear-headed and able female. Nova, the young mute girl. And a few others. I like their names, they have a kind of sci-fi ring, but it's understandable. It's the post-apocalypse, society has crumbled, you can give yourself any fucking name you want, so make it something you like. The Rovers' names are cool (and appropriate) as well, like Jackal, Mongrol, Dingo, etc.

The setting and atmosphere is great; the characters are all mostly interesting; the sense of dread with the Rovers closing in for the feast, and the Foragers with practically no chance of survival, and the hunt itself, is all very exciting. Michael Madsen (you might remember him as Bill's brother in Kill Bill) does a great job as one of the Rovers. "This just isn't your lucky day, boy. And I got bad news for you, it's not going to get any better." "We can do this the hard way, or the easy way. It doesn't matter to me, but either way, I'll be gnawing on your bones by sun-up." And the ending is very thrilling, in a feel-good-but-feel-bad-about-it sort of way.

I was rooting for Nova the whole way. You could tell she had better instincts than any of 'em. And there's just something appealing about mute girls. They don't get into that whole stupid "talking" thing that humans think is so damn important. I always liked Newt in Aliens, and I was intrigued by Tiffany in Hellraiser II. Of course, with the mute characters, you always have to have that stupid point in the film where they finally say something, usually to much less comedic effect than was probably intended, but I can forgive them for that. It's really more the writer's fault than the character's, anyway.

So yes, this was my favorite film of the festival so far, and I totally recommend it. Very cool and very exciting post-apocalyptic horror film. Go and see it sometime.

"I'm going to kill you."
"Not if I eat you first."