Halloween 2018

The Ritual (2017)

Saw this on Netflix. A good cross between The Descent and The Blair Witch Project (though not shot in the found footage format). Four Englishmen take a hiking trip in the remote hills of Sweden to honor the tragic killing of a friend. When they elect to take a "shortcut" through the woods (as one of the characters warns, "if a shortcut was a shortcut, it wouldn't be called a shortcut, it would be called a route"), they stumble across a pagan cult worshiping some ancient beast as a God. For a while, it seems mostly like all the baggage is just what the friends bring with them into the forest, but there really is something out there, and you do eventually get a good look at it in the end (in a climax that had me quoting Princess Mononoke: "I'm going to show you how to kill a god"). The cinematography is breathtaking - the beautiful setting goes a long way in establishing an atmosphere that is genuinely instilled with fear. I recommend it.

Temple (2017)

Three Japan-o-philes visit the land of the rising sun. The girlfriend is doing her thesis on religious studies. The boyfriend (who is kind of a prick) is mostly along for the ride. The third wheel is actually the most interesting character, and the only one who can speak Japanese. They quickly and conveniently stumble upon clues leading them to what must be the most haunted temple in Japan. There's a potentially interesting story in there about six kids who went missing, and the monk who was found living in the temple, but that's not what this movie is about - that's just background fodder for a gimmicky ghost story. Unfortunately, the acting is a bit wooden, and the writing leaves something to be desired. The creature(s?) are creepy, but the nighttime chase is just too dark (and there are too many shots pointed down the barrel of a flashlight, as opposed to the other way around). There's a novelty (for me, at least) to occult symbolism being associated with oriental spiritualism (as opposed to Christianity or paganism), but the various story threads don't really line up into a logical framework beyond "ghosts are creepy, right?" in the end (which came sooner than I expected). I'd like to see this story told with more substance and less fluff.

The Devil's Candy (2015)

Now this movie has style - and I do love a movie with style. Its taste in music is so good (a heavy metal cross-section of Pantera, Slayer, Metallica, even Sunn O))) - not music I typically listen to, but great for setting the mood of a horror movie), even the "trailer" music on Netflix had me hopping over to Youtube for more. The setup is recurrent of The Amityville Horror - a nice family moves into a house with a dark past, and their lives subsequently take a dark turn - but with a strong serial killer flavor - starring an older-than-I-remember Pruitt Taylor Vince. The cold open is so captivating - a Lizzie Borden/Jim Morrison singing The End-type situation, where a man gets up in the middle of the night and plays power chords on his electric guitar to drown out the Satanic voice in his head - I was instantly sold.

The protagonist family - a metalhead slash painter, his wife, and their teenage (also metalhead) daughter - are attractive and likable, and the movie is largely free of dumb clichés. When the Satanic element begins to manifest itself through art - the father's painting, provided by the real-life artist who's worked on some of Sunn O)))'s album covers - it's glorious. Did I mention this movie has style? It's terrifying - albeit, in less of a supernatural way than one might hope (on that note, it's telling that the killer watches a lot of fire-and-brimstone televangelist preachers; it's not hard to imagine it fueling the delusions of an impaired mind - though the preacher thinks he's helping people, by preying on their fears, he's only magnifying the horrors in the world; it is the height of irony that he, himself, is among the worldly devils he warns about) - culminating in a harrowing climax, but damn, it's not often that I have this much fun watching a horror movie! It just goes to show how powerful a movie can be when it's not just trying to tell a story, but aspiring to be a work of art in its own right. It's no wonder the music and painting plays such a critical role. This is the kind of movie I'd be proud to display on my shelf. (Even Black Phillip makes a cameo!)

Apostle (2018)

At over two hours long, this movie is an epic journey, with a plot that strongly resembles The Wicker Man. Around the turn of the century (last century), a man is sent undercover in his ailing father's stead to infiltrate a goddess-worshiping island cult and rescue his kidnapped sister. The first half plays a bit like Colonia in a colonial village with a medieval sense of justice. But at the halfway point (and I suppose this is a bit of a spoiler), it takes a very dark turn, with some supernatural elements, as the cult begins to implode from within. Most of the horror is human-generated, however, and it gets pretty gruesome. It's a sleek production, with good writing, solid leads, and ace cinematography. It's undoubtedly a tense viewing experience, but if that doesn't bother you, it's very well done.

"The promise of the divine is but an illusion."
"God is pain... is suffering... is betrayal."

P (2005)

The granddaughter of a witch leaves the Thai countryside to seek a living in Bangkok, where she uses her supernatural talents to navigate the sex trade - and get herself into trouble, when she loses control of her powers and a bloodthirsty monster is let loose on the city. It's fascinating to see different cultures take on particular subjects - like witchcraft - to see the similarities and differences in how they're interpreted across cultures. True to Bangkok's reputation, this is as much an erotic film as it is a horror film (and I have no complaints about that). In fact, it feels like three movies in one - a gritty, country-girl-meets-city-life coming-of-age drama gives way to a flesh-eating night stalker thriller, that eventually evolves into a Thai version of The Exorcist! Plus, it deserves an award for most captivating ending credits sequence - this film really knows how to keep the audience engaged through the credits. ;-)

Haunted (2018)

This is a short series available on Netflix - I view it as a sort of modern analog to Sightings. Six stories told in bite-size, 20-30 minute episodes, with dramatic re-enactments. Obviously, you can take "the following is a true story" with a grain of salt, but since none of these stories is designed to prove or disprove the existence of paranormal phenomena (this isn't science, this is entertainment), you might as well suspend your disbelief and take them at face value - they're certainly presented that way, told by the victims and eyewitnesses themselves in first person. Most of the tales lack a satisfying conclusion, but I think that contributes to the scariness, by leaving things hanging out there. Fair warning: you might want to watch this one with the lights on.

Here's what you can expect: in the first episode, a man is h(a)unted by a vengeful ghost, in a setup reminiscent of It Follows. The second episode is the story of the kids who grew up with a devil-worshipping serial killer father. Episode three takes a few pages from the Poltergeist playbook. Episode four is the most positive episode (relatively speaking), about a medium who awakens his gift after being contacted by three kids who died in a well. The fifth episode is your requisite alien abduction episode. And in episode six, a teenage girl's deadbeat boyfriend gifts her a stolen gravestone, so she dumps him and shacks up with the demon that's attached to it. (That description's not a fair reflection of the tone of the episode, but it's not inaccurate, and I couldn't resist describing it that way).

Discussion: it's almost more fascinating trying to think up a psychological explanation for these experiences*. I mean, assuming they're not fabricated whole cloth - obviously, I don't believe in ghosts and aliens (anymore), but I believe that these people (or, if they're actors, then others like them) have had experiences that defy conventional explanation. (To quote Scully from The X-Files, I believe that they believe - doubting their explanations isn't the same thing as denying their emotional experiences). I think it will be fascinating somewhere down the line, when we have a better grasp of how the human brain functions, to explore the physiological (and/or environmental) factors** that lead to things like hearing sounds and voices, seeing apparitions, etc. Just having had an episode of sleep paralysis once in my life, I've experienced the unbelievably realistic delusions the human mind can conjure when it's not functioning correctly, and the intense feelings (especially sheer terror) that can go along with that. Take mere suggestibility as a start. I don't believe in these things - these entities - yet thinking about them is enough to cause a palpable reaction of fear (accompanied by such physiological symptoms as goosebumps) in my mind and body. To quote The X-Files again, we have yet to discover how neural networks create self-consciousness, let alone how the human brain processes two-dimensional retinal images into the three-dimensional phenomenon known as perception, yet we somehow brazenly declare that "seeing is believing".

*When some of the people in this show say things like "houses aren't haunted, people are haunted", or that spirits are "attached" to them, or when one person in a household experiences a lot of paranormal activity but others don't... this all could be interpreted as one person being "psychically open" or "empathically gifted" or some such, but it suggests to me the possibility that these could be the manifestations of an impaired mind (or an enhanced one, depending on your perspective).

**In both genetics and conditioning - as reinforced by The Devil's Candy, it always seems to be those with direct exposure to religious mythology (not always in the form of devotion - sometimes it's "inflicted" upon them by others) that interpret these experiences in such archetypal ways. To provide an example of this phenomenon, a schizophrenic who hears voices or feels presences will be more likely to interpret them as ghosts or demons if he's been taught to believe in things like pure evil and the immortal soul.

Tales of Halloween (2015)

It's fun to watch scary shows and horror movies during October, but I always like it when I get a chance to watch something that captures the true essence of Halloween - costume parties and jack o' lanterns and trick 'r treaters - on the holiday itself. Especially when I don't get a chance to get out there myself (and not being a kid anymore, that kind of depends on the whims of other families). That's one of the things I like about the early Treehouse of Horror episodes of The Simpsons. That's also part of what makes the slasher classic Halloween such a perennial favorite. So I saved Tales of Halloween for October 31st - an anthology of ten (very) loosely connected stories that occur on the night of All Hallow's Eve, very much in the vein of that other, more recent, Halloween classic, Trick 'r Treat.

I'll tell you straight up that it's not as good as Trick 'r Treat, but it wasn't a bad way to spend a Halloween night, cuddled up on the couch with a bag full of candy, after all the excitement of the day has wound down. The stories are more sequential and less interwoven than they were in Trick 'r Treat - occasionally a reference to one short will be made in another, and the trick 'r treaters who feature predominantly in one story are recycled in the others. To give you an idea of what to expect, here's a...well, short description of each of the shorts:

Sweet Tooth - An urban legend about a kid who will eat all your candy (even the pieces you've already eaten) comes to life.

The Night Billy Raised Hell - An unfortunate kid learns why it's a bad idea to egg the guy's house who never gives out candy. (spoiler: it's not because he doesn't know how to enjoy the holiday).

Trick - A group of kids decide they'd rather draw blood than receive candy from a group of adults spending the holiday under the influence (spoiler: that decision is entirely justified).

The Weak and the Wicked - A bullied kid attempts to summon a Halloween demon to exact vengeance on his (rather sadistic) bullies.

Grim Grinning Ghost - A fairly straightforward exercise in suspense, expectation, redirection, and jump scares, when a woman's car breaks down and she has to walk home after listening to ghost stories at a friend's house.

Ding Dong - A rather quirky segment, featuring some kind of demon lady who really wants children, and her soft-spoken mate, as they navigate the temptation of having children delivered right to their doorstep on Halloween.

This Means War - A short that seemed more interesting in its setup than its ultimate conclusion. Basically, a tale of one-upsmanship in the realm of decorating your house for the holiday.

Friday the 31st - An over-the-top, humorous parody of Friday the 13th, involving a costumed victim, a Jason rip-off, and, believe it or not, a UFO.

The Ransom of Rusty Rex - Two desperate would-be kidnappers get a whole lot more than they bargained for when they try to take a millionaire's trick 'r treating son hostage.

Bad Seed - a killer goes on a rampage during Halloween, but it takes the novel form of a sentient (and bloodthirsty) jack o' lantern. Kind of reminded me of Halloween III (the one without Michael Myers).

And there you have it - take it or leave it. I hope you've had a haunted holiday, and if I don't see you sooner, I imagine I'll meet you back here next Halloween!

Holidays (2016)

Good or bad, regardless of the outcome, this is a horror anthology after my own heart - like something pilfered from my metaphorical sketchpad of ideas - with each segment themed around a different holiday. Anthologies are fun; the themes give each segment a creative anchor to dance around; and together they form a set! It's too bad, then, that this anthology is so reminiscent of The ABCs of Death, with more often than not meaningless sequences with inconclusive endings that do not shy away from gore and nudity (although just as likely designed to repulse as titillate).

Valentine's Day starts off with some locker room bullying à la Carrie, the target being a high school girl with a crush on her swim coach, who is in need of a heart transplant (I think you can see where this is going). In St. Patrick's Day, a creepy grade school girl lays down some voodoo on her teacher, leading to the line, "have you ever seen the Hollywood movie Rosemary's Baby? If you replace 'baby' with a reptile...", emphasizing that these segments are not meant to be taken seriously. One of the better segments, Easter is pure nightmare fuel on steroids, featuring the most terrifying depiction of the Easter Bunny I've seen yet, and aptly demonstrating the symbolic clusterfuck that is a holiday sewed together from both its pagan (chicks and bunnies!) and Christian (a man rising from the dead!) roots.

Mother's Day centers on a woman with a condition the extreme opposite of sterility, who manages to get pregnant without fail, even while on birth control and when her partner wears three condoms. Desperate and having exhausted all conventional avenues of treatment, she heads out into the desert to play the totem in a fertility ritual that may or may not be Satanic (as the abrupt and unsatisfying ending fails to clarify). On the other hand, Father's Day is another one of the better segments (notwithstanding its obtuse ending), constructing an eerie atmosphere reminiscent of Silent Hill, when a woman receives a tape from her absentee daddy, sending her on an emotional scavenger hunt.

One couldn't be faulted for expecting more from the Halloween segment, especially considering that it was written and directed by Kevin Smith (who, at least, demonstrated a surprisingly good grasp of horror in Red State). It plays up the sexualization aspect of the holiday (and not much else), with a story about a trio of cam whores exacting brutal and humiliating revenge against their deadbeat asshole of a pimp. But all it does is make me wonder, when will the day come when people start writing stories about what a fair trade porn industry should look like, instead of fueling moral conservatives' nightmares (and feminists' wet dream revenge fantasies) of dehumanizing abuse and degradation?

Seth Green stars in the Christmas segment (what, no Thanksgiving?), which shows the horrors of allowing commercialism to trump the spirit of good will, via a VR headset that taps in to the viewer's imagination. "Ain't the holidays hell?" But Black Mirror this is not. Finally, we come to New Year's, in which two lonely singles meet for an awkward first (and last) date, with a surprising twist proving that you can never predict who you're going to meet on a dating website. Having come to the end, I can't say I would give this anthology my glowing recommendation, although it was at least as worthy a potential endeavor as the ABCs of Death was. (But we all know how that turned out). If you could watch the segments individually, though, I'd say give Easter and Father's Day a try.

The ABCs of Death 2 (2014)

I know what you're probably thinking - that when I reviewed The ABCs of Death two years ago, I said I probably wasn't going to watch the sequel when it came out. But, in the end, the possibility for improvement, and the great variety of features on display, led me to believe that there might be something worth seeing if I sat through it. Also, it's a pretty unusual format - 26 shorts in a row - and I kind of had fun reviewing the last one (more than I had watching it, I'd wager). Even though it's an ambitious anthology, I guess it's a bit of a relief to be able to sum up most of the shorts in a quick sentence or two - or even just a brief reference - with the freedom to leave out completely anything worth forgetting.

Unfortunately, any hope that the low-brow nature of the last feature was an unintended consequence of the format, instead of its very goal, is dashed by the sequel, which unashamedly takes the same approach (although if they're going to take this route, they might as well be unashamed). Instead of steering the directors towards what I feel this project should be - haunting ruminations on death by talented auteurs - it is, again, a celebration of gore and gross-out, and a shameless exploration of the boundaries of good taste, where "death" is only meaningful insofar as it represents the ability to carve people up like so many sacks of meat, with little to no emotional ramifications. Nowhere is this more apparent than in the opening theme, which, while clever, is not quite as subtle or as compelling as the first. Cardboard schoolchildren, in the context of a "pop-up book", engage in a violent series of visual puns - such as playing catch with one kid's head, using a razor wire for jump rope, and swinging from another kid's intestines. To top it all off, the teacher adds the "2" to the title card by writing it using a piece of one of her students' brains. Yeah, that pretty much sets the stage.

To its credit, the anthology starts out strong, with a few of its better segments. Amateur juxtaposes the glorified fantasy (shot in music video style) versus the gritty reality (although maybe a little too gritty) of being a hitman. Badger takes a simple concept (a mutant badger), and spices it up with some character-driven humor. Capital Punishment is one of my favorite segments, depicting a riveting tale of vigilante justice that is uncommonly cognizant of real world statistics. Not every segment with a social conscience is aimed in the right direction, however. Torture Porn fails to be terribly interesting in spite of its reversal of a typical take on tentacle rape. It's a literal interpretation of the titular phrase, which is bound to add fuel to the fire of those who believe an entire industry operates like this minority niche. The segment's revenge against sexism is no more successful than Jesus' attack on homophobia; even though that segment's portrayal of conversion therapy as a torturous form of exorcism is laudable.

Masticate is a good example of an intelligent short that is nevertheless still uncomfortable to watch. It mostly consists of tracking a fat, hairy guy in his underwear, randomly accosting people in the streets - in slow-motion. But the revelation at the end, explaining his behavior, is nothing short of brilliant. Xylophone similarly features a brilliant punch line, although it is terribly macabre, and thoroughly disturbing - psychologically as much as physically. If you're looking for nightmare fuel, look no further than Deloused, a creepy claymation segment that is as surreal as it is horrifying. Wish is also highly imaginative, about two boys who are sucked into a silly '80s toy commercial only to confront the dark and horrible reality of their fantasy world come to life. Youth isn't great, but it does feature a giant hamburger monster that shoots fries like darts. It's also this movie's requisite Japanese segment that features a giant penis prop.

Too many features have too little to recommend them, though - many no more than a clever idea or premise, with less than compelling execution. The best thing I can say about Falling is that it cleverly plays with your expectations, when what appears to be a hanged corpse is just a paratrooper stuck in a tree. Invincible (which could just as soon have been titled Immortal, or Inheritance), takes the old setup of a family bickering over their inheritance, and inserts a matriarch that is frustratingly impervious to death. Nexus is really only interesting inasmuch as you get to see people decked out in their Halloween costumes, although it does make a clever nod to the audience's tendency to try to guess what word each segment is going to use. The questionnaire in Questionnaire is perhaps more thought-provoking than the novel scientific use the petitioner has for really smart minds in that segment. Utopia is a shallow yet potentially frightening twist on a sci-fi dystopia, where everyone is beautiful, and it is those of sub-normal attractiveness that are the outcasts.

Ochlocracy (mob rule) is almost as good as it is an intelligent commentary on the zombie genre. It explores a zombie apocalypse in which a cure for zombism has been found, and the survivors are taken to zombie court for the homicidal violence they've (gleefully, it sometimes seems) enacted in self-defense. Split turns out to be an interesting take on a home invasion, with one witness on the phone, and split-screen perspectives - even if the killer's motivation in the end was stretched beyond the viewer's suspension of disbelief. Roulette is another one of my favorite segments. In a rare example of subtlety, the horror is almost exclusively psychological. You're stuck thinking, why would anybody ever play a deadly game like Russian Roulette? And what's gotta be going through your head when you're the sixth turn, and you know the bullet's in the chamber, and you gotta go through with it anyway? Even played straight, this would be a compelling segment, but the ending takes it to another level by satisfying the viewer's morbid curiosity.

There are, of course, a fair share of duds as well. Some segments just leave you wondering, why? Equilibrium seems a pointless attempt at sexist humor. Grandad is little more than an excuse to depict an elderly gentleman in his underwear flashing the camera. Knell is confusing - why is the Black Oil from The X-Files behaving like one of Evangelion's Angels, and what connection does it have to menstrual blood? If there's supposed to be some kind of symbolism there, it's beyond me. Legacy is inscrutable, and its poor effects ruin the monster it has, anyway. P-P-P-P Scary! is utterly forgettable Three Stooges-like tripe, that doesn't even use the right letter! (It should have been rejected for that alone, except that this feature seems to be as dedicated to low-brow comedy as it is to low-brow horror). And Vacation features gratuitous sex, drugs, and violence, in a depiction of "dudebro" culture that could just as soon have been titled V/H/S (even down to the filmed footage approach!).

The feature ends with Zygote, which is probably the most stomach-turning segment (literally!), about an overbearing mother who refuses to let her daughter leave her womb, 13 years after conception. I'm hesitant to praise this segment for anything, but it would seem to have a lot of symbolic potential (if you care to think about it that much), and that scene where the child makes room to stretch out inside her mother's body is memorable in a lawnmower-scene-from-Braindead sort of way (i.e., try not to think about it while you're eating, and hope that you don't have nightmares about it). A fine finish, I suppose? Overall, The ABCs of Death 2 thankfully relies less on "toilet horror" than the last one. I'm tempted to say that the general quality of the shorts has improved, and there is more to recommend it, and less to warrant steering clear; however, it'd still be preferable if one could pick and choose the better segments to watch (as subjective as that selection would have to be). There is still plenty of gore and irreverent, morbid humor on display, though, so daring viewers only need apply. But there's allegedly a third feature in the works, and this time, I can't be so sure that I won't watch it when it comes out.

The Theatre Bizarre (2011)

The Theatre Bizarre is a horror anthology that delivers on its promise of the bizarre and grotesque. There is also a bit of sex and nudity, but don't expect it to be very erotic - the context it is presented in is often too repulsive to enjoy it in the traditional way.

The framing story, in which a tortured artist stumbles into a performance theatre staffed with automatons, effectively introduces the strange atmosphere of the anthology, with the bizarre machinations of the automatons - the leader of which, who is the master of ceremonies, is played by Udo Kier, whose idiosyncratic mannerisms I recognized from the role he played in John Carpenter's episode of Masters of Horror, Cigarette Burns. Said MC seems to have some point to make about watching other people's stories and the artifice of the theatre, but it gets a little chopped up through the interruptions of the various segments of the anthology.

The first of which is titled The Mother of Toads and gets off to a good start. An anthropologist with an interest in the occult meets an old gypsy in the French countryside, and discovers that she possesses what she alleges to be a genuine copy of the Necronomicon from H.P. Lovecraft's lore. In it is a creepy diagram of a creature the old woman names the Mother of Toads. But, as is always the case when the Necronomicon shows up in fiction, when the creature itself appears in the story (as you know it must), it doesn't live up to the dramatized illustration. Other than a pretty creepy sex scene, the segment finishes up in a pretty conventional - that is to say, not especially inspired - fashion.

The second segment, I Love You, eschews the supernatural (and to a large part, even the bizarre) for a more down to earth tale of love turned sour. It's actually got a fairly clever twist, in that you start the segment thinking, okay, this guy is a creep, and this girl really needs to get away from him. Then you come to learn that she's not all that innocent, and you actually begin to feel a little sympathy for this guy. Of course, it doesn't end well, and I won't spoil the details, but it's an effectively twisted ending.

Segment number three is titled Wet Dreams, and is directed by special fx guru Tom Savini, who also costars. The story is about a man who keeps having nightmares of being castrated (in one sequence, by what Savini's character - a therapist - describes as a Lovecraftian vagina - thus marking the second direct reference to Lovecraft in this anthology). This segment probably contains the most erotic nudity in the whole anthology, but the sentiment is short-lived, considering the major theme of the segment is genital mutilation. The narrative fucks around a bit with dreams and reality, but in the end it plays out (as you could only imagine, given the subject matter) as a wife's rather conservative (if liberally gruesome) feminist revenge against a cheating husband.

The fourth segment, titled The Accident, hit me from out of nowhere. It's the only segment with zero sex and nudity, and yet it's the strongest one, and it made a powerfully emotional impression on me. It's a very simple story, centered on a discussion of the metaphysics of death, between a little girl and her mother, after witnessing a traumatic motorcycle accident. It's very stark and direct, and yet not without being sensitive. I thought it was beautiful - in that macabre sort of way - and uniquely moving. It's definitely the highlight of the anthology.

Vision Stains is the next segment, and it introduces an intriguing (if not altogether realistic) concept - a woman has discovered that the moments that go flashing by in a person's head in the instant that they die can actually be transferred to another person via an injection of eye fluid. It's an interesting character study, that leads to a chilling climax, if a somewhat mediocre conclusion in comparison. It's also perhaps the most uncomfortable segment in this anthology to watch, what with the drug addiction symbolism and all the needles and syringes (of course, different things squick different people out - whether it's castration or animals suffering, there's something to disturb everyone in this anthology).

The final segment is titled Sweets and is almost certainly the most bizarre segment in the whole anthology. An actor by the name of Guilford Adams does a fantastic job channeling the heartbreak of a man whose girlfriend is coldly breaking up with him, interspersed with scenes of the two of them, during their better days, indulging their sweet tooths to a fetishistic degree. I'm not sure exactly what I'm supposed to take away from this segment, but the unhealthy obsession on binging and consumption ironically does a stellar job of destroying my would-be appetite. After watching it, I don't want to so much as look at food for weeks.

Not unlike going to watch a freak show, you have to have a peculiar kind of taste to enjoy the stories on the marquee at The Theatre Bizarre, but for the sake of satisfying my curiosity, I don't regret watching it. Expect horror, not a lot of eroticism (unless you have some very unconventional desires), but above all, expect the bizarre - and you shan't be disappointed.

V/H/S/2 (2013)

Last year, V/H/S brought the anthology format to the found footage subgenre of horror films. Opinions on found footage films vary widely, with lots of people lambasting them for their cheap thrills and amateurish production values. Personally, I'm a fan of found footage. Whereas other genres might not benefit so much from the first person perspective - I can't imagine a drama, for example, being any more effective by viewing it from the point of view of one of its characters - it seems particularly suited to horror.

I'd long wondered at the fact that survival horror video games manage to scare more effectively than most traditional horror films, and the reason is because it puts you right in the middle of the action. Which is what the first person perspective does. It makes you feel more vulnerable, and more paranoid, too, about what could be lurking just outside the frames - whereas a director would be inclined to carefully place his monsters and script the action, there's an element of chaos in some random bloke capturing the nightmare he's stuck in the middle of, and that's unpredictable and exciting.

There are, of course, pitfalls to the found footage format, like the unfortunate prevalence of shaky camera work - I thank my lucky stars that watching such footage doesn't make me sick, because otherwise I'd be missing out on some great stuff. Also, as is frequently complained about, there are many times when a found footage film builds up atmosphere only to let down in its payoff. The Blair Witch Project was guilty of this, although I hesitate to criticize a film too much for it, because the "imagination is worse than reality" approach bears considerable weight (Paranormal Activity, for example, was mostly tease, yet it was by far one of the scariest horror movies I've seen since the day I decided to stop believing in the monsters that live under my bed).

The anthology format is itself marred by too frequently mediocre entries - as, after all, a motley collection of pieces will inevitably vary in quality, and so rarely yield consistent brilliance. On the other hand, if not taken so seriously, an anthology can be more fun than a feature piece, and the diversity of its offerings has the potential to appeal to a wider audience, as everyone will tend to gravitate toward the entries that best suit their tastes. The short story (or film) format also provides an opportunity to experiment with new and exciting themes and modes of storytelling, and to create narratives that come quickly to their point without being bogged down by unnecessary filler.

All of this is to say that you never know what you're going to get. And while V/H/S was an exciting and competent - if flawed - foray into the found footage anthology piece, its sequel manages to be even stronger, and even better than the first, while maintaining the same formula. The first V/H/S suffered from an overabundance of immature, misogynistic characters. That aspect is downplayed here, to better results, while not completely shying away from the topic of sex and nudity that, for many of us, adds that extra spice and flair to entertainment that is otherwise mostly violent in nature. But where V/H/S/2 really shines is in the strength of its pieces, which are both clever and exciting to a surprisingly above average degree. I want to talk about each of them briefly now, and I warn you that there will be spoilers from here on out. So if you haven't seen V/H/S/2 yet and plan to, you should go do that before you read the rest of this review.

Tape 49

The "wraparound" story takes pretty much the same basic form as the one in V/H/S, albeit with less annoying characters. As far as I know, there is no direct connection to the events in the first V/H/S (although it probably allows for its existence in the same narrative universe), and this is an independent case of somebody exploring an abandoned(?) house recently occupied by a fanatic collector of obscure and esoteric VHS tapes featuring some of the creepiest home videos you'll ever lay your hands on. This time around, it's a private investigator who specializes in blackmail, and apparently has a camera fetish, if the way he carries around multiple cameras to film everything he does is any indication.

It's a little ridiculous, and you kinda feel like it's all just a (somewhat unconvincing) ruse to deflect the viewer's typical criticism of "why is he filming this?", but as usual, I have a tendency to consider that sort of thing within the purview of my suspension of disbelief when I'm watching a found footage film. The point isn't so much how realistic the filming of the action is, it's how effective that filming is in putting me in the middle of the action and scaring my pants off (if I'm wearing any). Tape 49 may be the least compelling of the shorts in V/H/S/2 (it is the wraparound, after all), but it does its job well enough, and is probably slightly more coherent than the wraparound in the first V/H/S.

Phase I Clinical Trials

The first tape we're shown doesn't do a great job of quelling our concerns about realism, as it turns out to be the recording of a guy's cybernetic eye implant. I'm not kidding. You have to ask yourself, with that kind of state of the art technology, the recording had to be digital. So who actually took the time to dub it to a VHS tape, and why? I know, you could say the same thing about the webcam footage in The Sick Thing That Happened To Emily When She Was Younger from the first V/H/S (and that might not be the only one), but still.

I actually think the whole VHS approach works well, because it's like, they're harder to copy and share than digital videos, so there's more of an esoteric feeling about them, like they could have been hiding in a cardboard box in somebody's basement for years, and nobody knows about them, rather than them going viral on YouTube or something, totally evaporating the mystery. But in our technologically advanced age, the whole VHS thing is becoming more and more antiquated, and you have to wonder how all these originally-digital recordings are finding their way onto VHS tapes.

Anyway, like I said, I can file that in the back of my head and just focus on the story. And as ridiculous as the idea of a cybernetic eye implant is, it has the potential for some pretty creepy implications. When the doctor mentioned glitches, I thought maybe it would be another approach at the creepy fx in Tuesday the 17th from the first V/H/S, but - although I think that direction had a lot of potential - it instead chooses to go in the direction of a ghost story.

Now, the idea that a piece of advanced technology would let you see ghosts is a little wonky in my opinion - mixing science with superstition - but I guess if you think about it, if there really are ghosts, it's not completely insane to think that maybe the right kind of scientific advancement would let us see them. So I'll let it slide. It's a pretty scary thought anyway. I mean, imagine if you knew your own eyes were conspiring against you, and even if you convinced yourself that what you were seeing wasn't real (even worse if it is), just seeing it would be enough to unnerve you.

I actually found the ghosts themselves to be less than entirely effective when they actually showed up on screen (except the creepy uncle dude), but just the very setup of the story, with the ghosts and everything, probably scared me more than any of the other shorts in V/H/S/2. So that's saying something.

A Ride In The Park

This one starts out pretty gently. I was watching this guy get ready to go biking in the woods, thinking to myself, I have absolutely no idea which direction this story is going to go. There could be absolutely anything waiting for him in these woods. And, well, it turns out to be zombies. Which is always fun. The rest of the story is relatively conventional, except for one very important twist: we get to watch the majority of the zombie rampage (including a small horde ambushing a little girl's birthday party in a picnic pavilion), from the point of view of one of the zombies.

It sounds so simple, but I don't think I've ever seen that before. It's a brilliant idea! And man, when that zombie digs into the guy's torso, and starts chowing down on his viscera like it was a turkey dinner - it's not that I haven't seen that in a zombie film before (many times, actually), but the first person perspective gives it a whole new freshness, and for the first time made me sympathize with the zombie's hunger, and not simply recoiling in disgust at the thought of it. This was a story that had to be told, and I can't believe I'd never even thought of it. Bravo.

Safe Haven

Then we come to my favorite short in the whole movie. It starts with one of the better premises for a found footage movie I've come across - infiltrating a secretive religious cult under the guise of filming an unbiased documentary. This is one of those ideas so ripe for found footage that it makes you think, "ah, finally!" You're not sure, of course, exactly which direction the story will go. Will it be human atrocities, as cults in the real world are known to commit? It certainly touches that base. But in the end, it goes so much further, revealing the cult to actually be one of devil worshippers with supernatural powers of demon summoning and resurrection.

So often, and especially in the realm of found footage, I find myself thinking at the end of a movie, they didn't go far enough. There was a lot of tease, but not enough delivery. This is true for many themes, but as frequently for stories about Satanism as anything else. Safe Haven doesn't have that problem. It probes the depths, and comes out the other side dripping with blood. Too many times I've seen devil worshipping cults emasculate themselves with all-smoke-and-no-fire rituals that are no more impressive than your local pastor's latest sermon. But this cult leader, he must have done something right. I'd say that V/H/S/2 is worth watching for this segment alone, but it's not like the other segments aren't pretty good themselves.

Slumber Party Alien Abduction

I'll be honest, I was a little disappointed that this one turned out to be a boys' sleepover, and not a girls' slumber party like I was hoping. Interestingly, we find a more natural home for the immature pranking spirit of V/H/S's douchebags in the adolescent boys in this segment. But the concept behind this segment is so perfect (is this really the first time it's been done?), that it's hard not to like it.

Truthfully, there is little buildup, and it's largely one big thrill ride, but there's nothing wrong with that - it is quite thrilling. This alien abduction has more in common with Incident in Lake County than your typical riding-a-beam-of-light nighttime affair, with aggressive aliens that are effectively intimidating by being larger than usual (more man-sized), while still retaining the expected general features (lean body, large eyes), and utilizing bright lights and loud sounds to confuse their prey.

The one significant complaint I have is that, unlike Safe Haven, Slumber Party Alien Abduction didn't go far enough. There's a scene where a boy is being dragged off by an alien, and you know they're taking him to their spaceship, and I'm like, come on, come on, a little bit further - but they never get there. Maybe I'm too caught up on the idea of a found footage alien abduction film that actually goes aboard the spaceship. Oh well. Someday. It's a good segment, but it's such a good concept, that I feel it deserves a full feature treatment, and not just a short anthology segment. Any filmmakers listening?

The ABCs of Death (2012)

I love a good concept piece, and The ABCs of Death is nothing if not ambitious. It's also got a fantastically creepy intro featuring letter blocks (the kind you give babies to play with) and torrents of gushing blood. The idea is that 26 directors were given a letter of the alphabet, and asked to come up with a word that begins with that letter, then direct a short piece based on that word that touches on the theme of death. Because each director has only a few minutes to tell their story, these segments pretty much cut out most of the filler and get right to the point. There is some virtue in being succinct. Unfortunately, there is also an absence of depth, and the temptation to go for easy shock appeal. Couple that with the fact that the directors were given complete creative control, with no limitations on content, and instead of intelligent ruminations that push the boundaries of good taste, what you have is a series of shorts of wildly varying quality that, taken as a whole, were much more successful at causing me to lose my appetite than marvel at the imagination and the skills of the directors on offer.

The exceptional pieces are rare, but do warrant mentioning. Take Dogfight, for example, which has a brilliantly choreographed boxing match between a man and a dog - an actual dog. It sounds ridiculous - and it is - but it looks and feels fantastic when you watch it. Then there is XXL, which is pretty straightforward, but takes a brutal look at the effects of the psychological abuse frequently levied against the overweight. And Quack, which is a refreshingly lucid piece wherein the director brings the audience behind the fourth wall, and utilizes some morbid humor. There are other pieces that contain promising elements, like the revelation in Apocalypse, the bedtime story framework of Bigfoot, the drug abuse metaphor in Speed, the first person perspective of a hunted vampire in Unearthed, or the epic sci-fi premise of Vagitus. And while most of these pieces are pretty direct, some of them are more subtle, like Gravity, which initially flew over my head.

Unfortunately, though, too many of these segments rely on gross-out - like Miscarriage, which was done in really poor taste, and Fart, an inexplicable fart fetishist's fantasy. In fact, a disturbing percentage of segments rely on toilet horror (the claymation toilet monster in Toilet is awesome, but is the sole exception to the rule), which I'm not even sure has that firm a connection to the subject of death. The sexuality did not bother me whatsoever - although the disjointed piece Orgasm left me cold, and while I appreciated the frank depictions of anatomy in Zetsumetsu, it (in the classic tradition of Japanese commercials) didn't make any sense at all. Libido was an interesting piece that conjectured an underground ring of masturbatory death races to increasingly disturbing stimuli. Unlike some others, it was not the taboo subjects (like crushing, and pedophilia) that disturbed me (both topics were directly implied, but not depicted explicitly) - on the contrary, I respect a directors' courage to confront taboos - but rather the sheer (and unrelenting) lack of restraint in depicting gore. I can appreciate a good gore effect in a horror movie, but when it's thrown at you again and again, you start envisioning people as sacks of bloody meat and flesh, and frankly, it turns my stomach.

As for the rest of the segments, if not overindulging in gore, they can often be found approaching the level of absurdity. WTF! does so with full intention, as does the aforementioned Zetsumetsu. And while some of these pieces take their subject seriously (Ingrown, though it left me confused, was very stark), many appeal to humor (and not frequently successfully) - like Jidai-geki, which may have been a parody of samurai films, and attempted to make light of Japanese ritual suicide. The talking parrot in Nuptials may have been good for a quick chuckle, but the piece hardly demonstrates a master horror director at work. And I honestly don't know what was going on in Hydro-Electric Diffusion, except that it involved Nazi furries. Yes, Nazi furries.

The ABCs of Death was a pretty clever idea, and I can't say I really find any fault with the format, but I'm less than totally impressed with a lot of what these 26 directors came up with. There's just simply too much emphasis on gore and gross-out (and toilet horror), that leaves me feeling quite queasy. I'm not even sure it's worth sitting through for the good bits, although if you have a strong constitution, absurdist aesthetic, and/or broad sense of humor, you might want to give it the ol' college try. But the ending credits threaten a sequel in the works, and, frankly, I'm not sure I'll watch it.

Masters of Horror: Season One (2005)

Masters of Horror is a series of one-hour short films that ran on Showtime, directed by many of the seminal horror directors of our time. The idea originated from a series of cordial dinner outings shared by a group of directors (many of which are represented in this series) spearheaded by Mick Garris. The project is unique in that it gives each director a clean slate to work from, to produce a short film in ten days, with practically nonexistent interference from any studios or higher-ups, to be run on television. I have just finished watching the first season, so I will review each of the episodes below. It may be worth noting that I did not watch the episodes in the order that they aired, but rather in the apparently random order they came in my box set.

Title: Jenifer
Director: Dario Argento
You might remember his film...Suspiria (1977)

Premise: Steven Weber stars in a screenplay he wrote based on a short comic about a man's unhealthy obsession with a feral creature that possesses the body of a beautiful woman, coupled with a monstrous face.

Opinion: I suppose I was expecting something a little more "colorful" from Dario Argento, but Jenifer left me feeling kind of lukewarm. It's a good story, and I really like that it approaches the topic of sex and sexual obsession, but the story really isn't that deep, and you can pretty much see where it's going after the first five minutes. Still, it is an interesting premise, although I'm not convinced that the male libido is so strong that a man would protect a carnivorous monster just because she's got a great rack, unless there's something supernatural at work. Dario brings his Italian sensibilities to the picture, which means he's not squeamish about the marriage of sex and violence like so many Americans are, although the result is that he was one of the only directors on the project who had to make a few cuts to his picture. In spite of the theme and the unflinching gore, I found this episode struggling to lift itself above "TV anthology horror" quality.

Title: Cigarette Burns
Director: John Carpenter
You might remember his film...Halloween (1978)

Premise: Norman Reedus (Daryl on The Walking Dead) stars as a cinephile and rare film finder hired to track down an obscure French film (La Fin Absolue du Monde, "The Absolute End of the World") which is rumored to have the power to whip everyone who watches it up into a mad frenzy of ultraviolence.

Opinion: I was genuinely impressed with this episode, which kept my attention glued to the screen throughout. Credit goes to the actors and director, of course, but also to the story, which, as an artist keenly attentive to issues of censorship and the power of art over people's lives, I found to be utterly fascinating. I agree with the director that the idea of a film being a weapon that induces violence is cockamamie, but as a fantasy it thrills the mind, and this episode explores under what fictional consequences might such a thing actually be possible. It is, in a Cartesian sense, a horrible vision of the natural progression of the idea that art moves people. Furthermore, it plays on the excitement every film buff experiences when in search of rare and infamous films.



Title: Pick Me Up
Director: Larry Cohen
You might remember his film...It's Alive (1974)

Premise: Two very different but equally charismatic serial killers match wits against one another when they both encounter a bus full of travelers broken down by the side of the road in the middle of nowhere.

Opinion: I wasn't familiar with Larry Cohen going into this episode so I didn't know what to expect, but it turned out to be really excellent. The two killers - one a hitchhiker and the other a trucker (named Walker and Wheeler) - are both really captivating on screen, and despite being villains, become your favorite characters. I suppose that means this episode isn't all that scary, as you're never particularly rooting for their victims, but it is lots of fun. You get to see their two different approaches to the trade, and how they clash when they both set eyes on the same prey. Very much recommended.


Title: Incident On And Off A Mountain Road
Director: Don Coscarelli
You might remember his film...Phantasm (1979)

Premise: A woman tries to escape a mutant serial killer in the mountains after a car accident, while thinking back on her relationship with the man who taught her the survival skills she'll need to stay alive.

Opinion: A fairly straightforward premise proves to be a rather clever and interesting juxtaposition of storylines, chronicling the lead actress' evolving relationship with a survivalist, and how those experiences have given her the knowledge and confidence to face her life-threatening chase through the woods with strength and ingenuity. For once, we get a heroine who is not helpless - even if some of her MacGyver-meets-The-Goonies antics (challenge: build a tripwire slingshot with a stick, a pocket knife, a pair of panties, and a length of skirt, and do it in the dark, before that deformed homicidal psycho catches up to you!) at times stretch the audience's credulity - that ultimately leads to a fresh and original ending. The balance of suspense and comfort between the two interposed storylines is handled exceptionally well. If this episode did not engage me quite as enthusiastically as Pick Me Up or Cigarette Burns, in the end it proves itself to be a worthy addition to the Masters of Horror series.


Title: Homecoming
Director: Joe Dante
You might remember his film...The Howling (1981)

Premise: The dead rise - but it's not brains, it's suffrage they want in this political satire condemning the Bush administration's unpopular war in Iraq.

Opinion: One of the great things about Masters of Horror is that - especially in conjunction with the DVD special features - it places an emphasis on the director, giving him more of a character and a personality than you might get by just watching movies through the years. Joe Dante was an unfamiliar name to me, but in addition to working on the Roger Corman-spearheaded Jaws knock-off Piranha, he also directed one of my favorite werewolf movies - the classic The Howling - as well as Gremlins, which, despite its comedic approach, gave me nightmares when I watched it as a child. Even though politics isn't really my thing, I respect Joe Dante for having the guts to tell a story with such a blatant political agenda. And despite it's - what some may call 'preachiness' - it's pretty entertaining, too. Although the premise's requirement that the zombies be sympathetic and not frightening characters detracts from its horror value, it does on the other hand present a refreshingly original (if irretrievably dated to the Bush administration) take in what has become an oversaturated subgenre of horror.


Title: Chocolate
Director: Mick Garris
You might remember his film...Stephen King's The Stand (1994)

Premise: The mastermind behind Masters of Horror Mick Garris writes and directs this psychological horror about a man who develops a psychic connection with a woman and is able to experience her feelings and sensations from the inside out.

Opinion: When I started watching Masters of Horror, the main question that hung on my mind was, knowing TV's reputation compared to film, could these master filmmakers manage to create a series whose quality exceeded that which one would expect from a TV anthology show? And so far, the evidence has been pointing overwhelmingly to "yes". Chocolate, despite being more of a psychological thriller than a straight horror, is no exception. In fact, it manages to conjure one of the creepier and more believable middle-of-the-night intruder-in-the-house scenes I can recall seeing. The premise is pretty interesting, and invokes a good bit of mystery, if it is a fairly arbitrary device to provide most of the piece's horror. Still, the character and his experiences are fascinating, and this story does include some sex and nudity. So, it's definitely no waste of an hour.


Title: Dreams In The Witch-House
Director: Stuart Gordon
You might remember his film...Re-Animator (1985)

Premise: In this adaptation of an H.P. Lovecraft story, a graduate student rents a room in an old house that is haunted by a witch hiding out in an alternate dimension who seduces victims into committing heinous deeds.

Opinion: I don't know whether to credit H.P. Lovecraft for the story - and his uniquely effective approach to horror - or Stuart Gordon (who has directed several other H.P. Lovecraft story adaptations in the past), but this episode of Masters of Horror was excellent. The crossing of these two minds is, perhaps, a match made in hell, as Gordon's approach to horror is equally impressive. He doesn't believe there is such a thing as "going too far", and he thinks the most effective horror stories are those where the creator breaks the rules, so you don't know what to expect (an opinion with which I wholeheartedly agree). In this story, the life of an innocent baby is in jeopardy, a witch takes advantage of string theory (for real!) to manipulate space and time, and her familiar - a rat with a human face - crawls around creeping people out. Plus we get a glimpse of the Necronomicon! Leave it to Lovecraft to get the creative juices flowing: I feel inspired to finally get around to reading his stories, as well as checking out some of Stuart Gordon's other films.


Title: Dance of the Dead
Director: Tobe Hooper
You might remember his film...Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)

Premise: Robert Englund (the original Freddy Krueger) stars in this adaptation of a Richard Matheson story as the MC of a gothic night club in a war-torn, post-apocalyptic, urban wasteland.

Opinion: Jessica Lowndes is illuminating as the last piece of innocence in a land ravaged by chemical warfare, even as she is seduced and corrupted by a group of punk thugs. This story is a dark and energetic look at an apocalyptic world where everyone has lost something, and few have the luxury to cling onto any sense of decency or morality. It's a pretty good story, but I unfortunately have to count the erratic cinematography against it. I know Tobe Hooper (who also directed Steven Spielberg's Poltergeist) has good reasons for making that stylistic decision - and it does put you into the zero-to-sixty mindspace of these characters - but it really detracted from my enjoyment of the episode with the constant camera movement and double, triple, quadruple images. A more judicious use of that device might have proved less annoying, but at least, the quality of the material underneath that filter was very good.


Title: Deer Woman
Director: John Landis
You might remember his film...An American Werewolf in London (1981)

Premise: A Native American legend about a half-woman, half-deer seductress comes to life in this tale of a jaded police officer's hunt for redemption.

Opinion: As to be expected from the man who directed Animal House and The Blues Brothers, John Landis mixes some humor into his episode of Masters of Horror. But, I'm happy to say, it's an intelligent and straight-faced humor, that doesn't undermine the horror of the piece. In fact, I like what he said in the interview special feature about trying to approach [both comedy and] horror with realism - not in terms of the supernatural themes, but in terms of the character's reactions to what's going on; that also has the effect of making them both more likable and more relatable. In this case, the characters recognize the absurdity of the concept of a deer woman seducing and then murdering men, but they're forced to accept the premise by the evidence that appears before them, while the mythical killer's own credibility and dangerousness is not reduced by its statistical and scientific improbability. The result is a pretty fun, if silly, story - and in truth, horror isn't always about being scary, it's about having a good time, too.


Title: The Fair Haired Child
Director: William Malone
You might remember his film...House On Haunted Hill (1999)

Premise: A schoolgirl is abducted by a distraught couple to feed a monster they summoned in a Satanic ritual to bring back their drowned son.

Opinion: To be honest, this was the first episode in a while that I felt was struggling to lift itself above TV anthology quality (in spite of that premise). However, the monster was very creepy - thanks to an effective design and the director's unsettling use of camera tricks. It looked and felt almost like something that could have escaped from The SCP Foundation. There is also a surreal element to this episode, sometimes bordering on the absurd. It wasn't bad, at all, but the basement ordeal drags a bit, and the ending, while twisty, just has too much of a happy-positive feeling. The bad guys aren't supposed to get their comeuppance, and the good guys aren't supposed to live happily ever after - as rarely happens in real life - that's part of what makes a good horror so unsettling.


Title: Sick Girl
Director: Lucky McKee
You might remember his film...May (2002)

Premise: A quirky entomologist enters a sweet romance with an erratic artist, which is disturbed by an aggressive monster bug that impregnates humans.

Opinion: The odds are against Lucky McKee. He's one of the newest and least experienced directors called on to the Masters of Horror project, his episode's story - about a parasitic bug - could easily fall into TV anthology territory, and his episode is as much romantic comedy as it is horror. And yet, he manages to churn out one of the more entertaining episodes in this series. He decides to make the protagonist female, thus allowing himself the opportunity to tell a somewhat more unusual story of an endearing lesbian romance. And the actress opposite the lead is none other than Erin Brown a.k.a. Misty Mundae - my favorite softcore porn actress! I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw her in this role, and she was perfect for it! The constant presence of the bugs that the lead is so enamored with maintains a creepiness factor throughout the story, even before the real horror erupts - and when it does, it's suitably devastating. I'm really impressed with what this unfamiliar director has done with his opportunity to join the Masters of Horror, and I'm intrigued by the other directing projects he's done so far.


Title: Haeckel's Tale
Director: John McNaughton
You might remember his film...Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986)

Premise: In this period piece adapted from a Clive Barker story, a man in mourning seeks the aid of a necromancer to bring back his deceased wife, and learns of the horror of love that transcends death.

Opinion: I was very excited to see Clive Barker's name attached to an episode of Masters of Horror, as he is an excellent writer, who writes disturbing and original stories. And John McNaughton succeeds at bringing this story to life, without shying away from the disturbing element of sexual perversity that flavors many of Barker's stories (not least of which includes the sadomasochistic overtones in Hellraiser). In this case, we have what I can enthusiastically report is the most erotic zombie sex scene I have ever seen, thanks in no small part to the casting of Leela Savasta who, as an art model, is not only comfortable with nudity, but possesses a flawless physical beauty. Other horror contained in this episode includes some re-animated dogs, which have that same excellently creepy feel as the dog in The Fly II which I love to fear so much. Additionally, the story is structured in a way - not unfamiliar in Clive Barker's stories - that it doesn't quite go in the predictable and cliched direction you might expect, instead ending up somewhere disturbing on a wholly novel level. Excellently done.


Title: Imprint
Director: Takashi Miike
You might remember his film...Audition (1999)

Premise: An American visits a notorious brothel in Meiji era Japan in search of his lost love. But the story he extracts from a prostitute gets increasingly disturbing the closer he comes to the truth.

Opinion: I had been looking forward to seeing Takashi Miike's episode of Masters of Horror ever since I started watching the series, after he impressed me with the deeply disturbing Audition years ago. Here, he does not disappoint. Imprint is easily the most unsettling episode in this series, which has the crucial distinction of being the only episode that Showtime wouldn't air. The setting of a seedy Meiji era brothel is intriguing, and the story just gets darker and darker as the protagonist plunges down the rabbit hole, delving into the past of one of the prostitutes - beautiful, in spite of her disfigured face - and her cohabitation with the woman he loved. The torture scene is brutally uncomfortable, in that uniquely subtle Japanese way, which distinguishes itself from the more aggressive American approach. I'm very happy that the Masters of Horror made a point to include a director to represent Asian horror in their series, and I couldn't be happier with their choice of Takashi Miike. If there is one complaint I have against this episode, it's that the actors' thick Japanese accents are at times hard to understand. I would just as soon have watched the episode in Japanese with English subtitles, but I understand this episode was filmed with an American audience distinctly in mind.

In conclusion, I can say that I am very impressed with the first season of Masters of Horror. It exceeded my modest expectations of a television anthology series, and lived up to its promise given the level of talent involved. Most importantly, I had a lot of fun watching these short films, and learning more about the directors behind the camera. Doing so has repeatedly sparked my inspiration, and led me to seek out many of the other titles several of these directors have previously worked on. I look forward to getting an opportunity at some point in the future to see the second season of Masters of Horror, and I urge all dedicated horror fans to give this series a look!

V/H/S (2012)

So I finally got around to watching V/H/S, and I'll tell you, I liked it. You can't really take it too seriously, in terms of expecting everything that happens to make total sense, but if you're willing to just sit back and enjoy a bunch of found footage shorts, you just might like it. I think the idea is extremely clever - a horror anthology (like Creepshow or Tales From The Crypt) totally in the found footage style. And, I actually thought it was pretty scary, too (which is something I've found that found footage does more effectively than traditional filming styles in the horror genre). One warning though, if you can't stand "shaky cam" movies, you'd best avoid this one.

Note: The rest of this review may contain some spoilers. Nothing too detailed, but if you want to go in completely fresh, then I suggest you watch the film first before reading on.

So the "wraparound" story ("Tape 56") deals with this group of immature jerkwads who go around committing petty crimes and filming them, presumably for the entertainment of likeminded blowhards on the internet. And then they get this job where they have to break into some old guy's house to steal a VHS tape. Except, the old guy turns out to be dead, and his house is filled with VHS tapes. So they start watching some of them, and it turns out this guy has a treasure trove of found footage.

The first segment, titled Amateur Night, introduces three douchebags with a glasses camera looking to bag some drunk chicks from a bar, bring them back to a hotel room, and film them having sex with them (presumably so they can upload the video to the 'net). Except one of the chicks they bag turns out to have a very terrifying secret - she's not exactly human. The guys in this segment, as the guys in the wraparound, were very obnoxious, but apart from that, the segment had a nice balance of gore and nudity, and was genuinely creepy once the shit started to hit the fan.

The second segment is titled Second Honeymoon, and ostensibly seems to be a recording of a young married couple's "second honeymoon" road trip to the Grand Canyon. But they come across a suspicious girl at their motel who, it seems, is inexplicably able to sneak into their room at night. The segment ends with a very brutal murder (remarkably so) and something of an unexpected twist. I have to admit, even aside from the gore, just the idea of somebody sneaking into your room at night and watching you while you sleep (not necessarily with good intentions) is pretty terrifying.

The third segment, titled Tuesday the 17th, is a not-so-subtle parody/homage (take your pick) to Friday the 13th styled slashers, about a girl who lures three of her friends out to the woods in an attempt to capture video evidence of a local rampaging killer. The acting is atrocious, and this segment would be eminently forgettable, if it weren't for the video tricks utilized. The killer only shows up on the camera in the form of a glitch, presumably because of some kind of (quite possibly supernatural) electromagnetic interference. It's actually a neat trick that ramps up the mystery, and contributes to the viewer's fear of what exactly the characters are up against.

The fourth segment has the rather unwieldy title of The Sick Thing That Happened To Emily When She Was Younger, and comes in the form of an internet video conference between two lovers. The girl (who is not nearly as flawless, but oddly has some of the look and mannerisms of Chloe Moretz) is having some problems with her apartment - she thinks it's haunted. So we're treated to a very much Paranormal Activity style horror, albeit one that has an unexpected and somewhat ineffective (even if it was a neat idea) conclusion. Props for the addition of nudity, though, especially because - come on - this is a webcam convo, after all.

The fifth and last segment is titled 10/31/98. We are introduced to another group of overconfident young males (slightly less obnoxious than previous groups), on the night of Halloween, in search of a party they were invited to. They have a bit of trouble finding it, contributing to the suspicion that the house they eventually arrive at may or may not be the right one. Regardless, it's rather large and nicely furnished, but noone is there partying. They find a way inside and begin to explore the house. Various subtle paranormal activity follows, leading the men to believe it's some kind of Halloween trick - you know, a haunted house. They make their way to the attic, where they hear some men chanting, and find a woman tied up, the focus of some kind of ritual. They eventually discover that this is not, in fact, a party, and even as they try to save the girl and escape, the paranormal activity in the house ramps up considerably, trying to trap them inside.

If there's any complaint I have with this movie, it's that it spends a lot of time depicting the douchebaggery of today's stereotypical over-testosteroned male. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the female nudity (and even to a lesser extent, I like that they didn't just limit the nudity to the female), but it was almost always in the context of men being douchebags - like assaulting a woman on the street and forcibly stripping her on camera, or a guy trying to secretly film himself having sex with his girlfriend, or another guy pathetically begging his wife to take off her sweatshirt and kiss her with the camera rolling.

It doesn't make me hate this movie, because it's not a drama or an anthropological documentary - it's a horror, and it's effective (in my opinion) at being scary, even if I don't like the characters (in fact, I might be more receptive to the violence if it's being exacted on unsympathetic characters - that's open to debate), and after all, if a horror movie is out to depict the horror that exists in the world (real or not), then that contributes to my feeling of disgust.

But, it just makes me think about how men treat women in the real world, and wish we had better examples of men enjoying the sexual delights of women in a way that doesn't suggest that men are pigs and rapists, or lead you to the insidious conclusion that, like vandalism and theft, sex is an antisocial crime committed by immature men, in this case against women (who, nevertheless, may or may not have the ability to defend themselves and exact terrible, murderous revenge).

On the other hand, I am extremely happy to see a found footage film that doesn't shy away from the fact that putting the technology of homemade videomaking into the hands of the populace leads to a lot of people wanting to film some sex. Sex tapes, webcam videos, even the concept of voyeurism itself implies the marriage of sex and video technology. So even though this is horror and not porn, I was very excited to see some actual sex and nudity for once in a found footage film.