Evil Dead Rise (2023) & Bone Tomahawk (2015)

Apparently, there's a new Evil Dead movie out. I saw it on Netflix, so I figured I'd give it a watch. If you know me, you know I'll never quit a movie once I've started it. Never. But I couldn't finish this one. I didn't even make it to the halfway point before I completely lost interest. Honestly, typing my thoughts out seems like more fun than watching the rest of this movie (it's still playing in the background). Although I'm an honest reviewer, I like to give creators the benefit of the doubt, because I know how hard it is to tell a story, and pour your heart out onto the page (or screen). I may be a critic, but I don't enjoy being critical. But this movie is worthless. I can't believe it has so many favorable reviews on IMDb. Somebody paid a lot of money to generate hype.

When they filmed an Evil Dead remake in 2013, I loved it. I'm not that hard to please. I thought this movie would follow in its footsteps, be some kind of a sequel. But it's just a hollow cash grab. The characters are uninteresting. The writing is nonexistent. The original Evil Dead had ridiculous gore effects just for their own sake - and it worked, because it was legitimately entertaining, and didn't take itself too seriously. This movie can't even hide the fact that it's contriving situations that make no logical or emotional sense just for some cheap freakouts. It's like the director is constantly bashing you over the head saying, "you're watching a movie, remember?", instead of letting you get engrossed in it. Maybe he should have directed a carnival ride instead of a piece of cinema.

It has all the hallmarks of bad modern horror: unsympathetic characters, jump scares punctuated by an obnoxious soundtrack, gross-out in favor of constructing atmosphere. Even the cute little girl that's a cliche in these kind of movies has an unnecessary lisp (we get it, she's a kid) and an inexplicable British accent. Don't be tricked by the halfway decent-looking cold open, because it's just misdirection; after the title card, the movie swerves and spends the rest of its runtime in some dingy apartment (shot with a blue filter), featuring completely unrelated characters.

The only thing this movie has going for it (and I'll give it that, though it's not much) is the look of the Necronomicon - including the artwork inside its pages. I'd love to have a recreation of it to display on my bookshelf. But it's a cool prop that deserves to be in a better movie. It's not worth sitting through this drudgefest just to see a few glimpses of it. This movie doesn't work as a standalone horror film, and it's even worse in connection to the Evil Dead franchise.

Okay, I'm watching the climax now, and it's a little bit interesting. It's weird how the characters look better drenched in blood. But it's not worth torturing yourself for 75 minutes just for a semi-decent payoff. And the homages to earlier Evil Dead films are falling flat. If the filmmakers wanted audiences to enjoy the ending, they should have stuck it at the end of a better movie. There's no excuse for this.

By contrast - and I feel bad mentioning these two titles in the same breath, but it serves as an effective counterpoint - I just watched Bone Tomahawk last night, and it was amazing. As a novel fusion of the horror and Western genres, it already starts with an intriguing premise. But what makes it so great is the writing. The characters are interesting. Their dialogue is smart, and entertaining. Most of the movie is just setup to a final encounter with a group of cannibalistic savages on the Western frontier, but the movie would be hardly less interesting if it had just been the setup, without any payoff. That's how you do it.

You have to know that I don't have anything against the horror genre (I wouldn't have published hundreds of reviews of horror movies if I didn't love horror), but when the genre becomes synonymous with pornography - cheap smut with only one simple purpose - it does itself a great disservice. The writing in Bone Tomahawk was so good, it attracted a higher caliber of actors, including Kurt Russell, Patrick Wilson, and David Arquette (I didn't recognize Richard Jenkins, but he was phenomenal in this, too). This is the vision I see for horror - like a more sophisticated form of erotica, a respected art form that's technically proficient while still delivering the thrills audiences crave. I implore you, don't waste your time watching Evil Dead Rise. Elevate your palate and watch Bone Tomahawk instead. That's the kind of project that deserves our support as horror-loving movie fans.