Evil Dead Rise (2023) & Bone Tomahawk (2015)

Apparently, there's a new Evil Dead movie out. I saw it on Netflix, so I figured I'd give it a watch. If you know me, you know I'll never quit a movie once I've started it. Never. But I couldn't finish this one. I didn't even make it to the halfway point before I completely lost interest. Honestly, typing my thoughts out seems like more fun than watching the rest of this movie (it's still playing in the background). Although I'm an honest reviewer, I like to give creators the benefit of the doubt, because I know how hard it is to tell a story, and pour your heart out onto the page (or screen). I may be a critic, but I don't enjoy being critical. But this movie is worthless. I can't believe it has so many favorable reviews on IMDb. Somebody paid a lot of money to generate hype.

When they filmed an Evil Dead remake in 2013, I loved it. I'm not that hard to please. I thought this movie would follow in its footsteps, be some kind of a sequel. But it's just a hollow cash grab. The characters are uninteresting. The writing is nonexistent. The original Evil Dead had ridiculous gore effects just for their own sake - and it worked, because it was legitimately entertaining, and didn't take itself too seriously. This movie can't even hide the fact that it's contriving situations that make no logical or emotional sense just for some cheap freakouts. It's like the director is constantly bashing you over the head saying, "you're watching a movie, remember?", instead of letting you get engrossed in it. Maybe he should have directed a carnival ride instead of a piece of cinema.

It has all the hallmarks of bad modern horror: unsympathetic characters, jump scares punctuated by an obnoxious soundtrack, gross-out in favor of constructing atmosphere. Even the cute little girl that's a cliche in these kind of movies has an unnecessary lisp (we get it, she's a kid) and an inexplicable British accent. Don't be tricked by the halfway decent-looking cold open, because it's just misdirection; after the title card, the movie swerves and spends the rest of its runtime in some dingy apartment (shot with a blue filter), featuring completely unrelated characters.

The only thing this movie has going for it (and I'll give it that, though it's not much) is the look of the Necronomicon - including the artwork inside its pages. I'd love to have a recreation of it to display on my bookshelf. But it's a cool prop that deserves to be in a better movie. It's not worth sitting through this drudgefest just to see a few glimpses of it. This movie doesn't work as a standalone horror film, and it's even worse in connection to the Evil Dead franchise.

Okay, I'm watching the climax now, and it's a little bit interesting. It's weird how the characters look better drenched in blood. But it's not worth torturing yourself for 75 minutes just for a semi-decent payoff. And the homages to earlier Evil Dead films are falling flat. If the filmmakers wanted audiences to enjoy the ending, they should have stuck it at the end of a better movie. There's no excuse for this.

By contrast - and I feel bad mentioning these two titles in the same breath, but it serves as an effective counterpoint - I just watched Bone Tomahawk last night, and it was amazing. As a novel fusion of the horror and Western genres, it already starts with an intriguing premise. But what makes it so great is the writing. The characters are interesting. Their dialogue is smart, and entertaining. Most of the movie is just setup to a final encounter with a group of cannibalistic savages on the Western frontier, but the movie would be hardly less interesting if it had just been the setup, without any payoff. That's how you do it.

You have to know that I don't have anything against the horror genre (I wouldn't have published hundreds of reviews of horror movies if I didn't love horror), but when the genre becomes synonymous with pornography - cheap smut with only one simple purpose - it does itself a great disservice. The writing in Bone Tomahawk was so good, it attracted a higher caliber of actors, including Kurt Russell, Patrick Wilson, and David Arquette (I didn't recognize Richard Jenkins, but he was phenomenal in this, too). This is the vision I see for horror - like a more sophisticated form of erotica, a respected art form that's technically proficient while still delivering the thrills audiences crave. I implore you, don't waste your time watching Evil Dead Rise. Elevate your palate and watch Bone Tomahawk instead. That's the kind of project that deserves our support as horror-loving movie fans.

Leave The World Behind (2023)

Julia Roberts and Ethan Hawke join Mahershala Ali (with a cameo by Kevin Bacon) in a beach vacation rental to square off against the apparent end of the world, when a cyberterrorist attack that targets navigation systems and hamstrings communications grinds the country to a (literal) screeching halt.

With a bit of a quirky style, and a small but memorable supporting cast, I found this movie to be very enjoyable. Even, surprisingly, a little bit funny - as I have a wry sense of humor. With themes that are very topical to the current state of our country, it definitely gets your imagination running.

Some have complained about the ending, but I thought it was perfect. (You hear me, people - perfect! If you changed a single thing about that ending, it would disrupt the narrative and thematic cohesion of the story. Which is why you don't let amateurs write scripts). If you like apocalyptic cinema, I give it a solid recommendation.

AMC's The Terror (2018)

Now available on Netflix, AMC's The Terror was an unexpectedly good find. Billed as an anthology series, you can take the first season on its own (I've heard not great things about the second). It's an adaptation in 10 episodes - each about an hour long - of a fictionalized account of John Franklin's mid-19th century naval expedition in the Arctic, in search of a Northwest Passage over the top of Canada. Harsh environmental conditions mixed with hubris, exacerbated by a steadily growing sickness of the body and mind, as well as the presence of a vengeful polar bear-like creature tied to native folklore, all ensure the expedition's tragic outcome. Gripping, heartfelt, and imaginative, it was a harrowing journey from start to finish. I recommend it highly.

Aliens Among Us?

Coming hot on the heels of the latest installment in the Alien series (Alien: Romulus) is a new TV series slated for release next year, titled Alien: Earth. I'm holding out hope that it will be good, but making the choice to do a prequel set on Earth doesn't inspire a whole lot of confidence. It's the same mistake that the Alien vs. Predator movies made. Setting such an early precedent for the presence of xenomorphs on Earth not only undermines the considerable effort to which The Company will later go to procure a specimen at the edge of the galaxy, but also effectively neutralizes the tension created in the original movies, built around the urgent need to keep this threat from reaching our home planet.

"If those things get back here, that will be all. Then you can just kiss it goodbye."
- Ripley, from Aliens

Certainly, you could write a script that keeps the action quarantined, where the monster is eradicated and nobody lives to tell the tale (or at least, nobody believes them). I don't doubt that this strategy would keep production costs down. But why write yourself into a corner, when there are still stories to be adapted that take place in the aftermath of the encounter on LV-426 - when the aliens not only eventually reach Earth, but completely colonize it? Imagine a post-apocalyptic landscape with xenomorphs instead of zombies or marauders! Or, if you'd really prefer to fill in holes, instead of continuing the story, I'm dying to see a depiction of Newt's harrowing ordeal, from the time that Burke orders her parents to investigate the derelict ship, through her survival as the aliens take over Hadley's Hope, until the space marines finally show up. You'd have to find an exceptionally talented young actress to do it, but I've seen a few over the years that could have pulled it off.

This comic is a good start, but it kind of glosses over the best part
in favor of retelling Aliens from Newt's perspective (partly).

Regardless of whether or not you preserve the timeline's continuity, bringing the xenomorphs onto a 21st century Earth erodes their mystique. I'll tell you why. Although I did not dislike Prometheus and Alien: Covenant, they've basically established as canon (as clear as I can figure) that the xenomorphs are an artificially-engineered biological weapon. Speculating from a scientific perspective, this is interesting, but not as captivating in my opinion as the alternate hypothesis that our encounter with these creatures essentially functions as an interstellar equivalent of the fatal mistake that Tolkien's dwarves made when they dug the mines of Moria.

"Too deep we delved there, and woke the nameless fear."
- Glóin, from The Fellowship of the Ring

If you've ever read Wait But Why's discussion of The Fermi Paradox, you'll be familiar with the concept I am describing. This paradox can be summarized by a simple question: if space is filled with stars, then why is the night sky so dark? Or, more to the point, is there anybody out there? In the vast expanse of the cosmos, shouldn't there be other intelligent lifeforms? Then what's with all the radio silence? Well, one possible explanation is that other beings are smart enough to keep their mouths shut - they don't want to announce their presence, because they know what's out there, and they're afraid it will find them!

As the premise for a cosmic horror story, I love this idea. Rather than a bio weapon, I'd prefer to think of the xenomorphs as an eldritch abomination lurking at the edges of the universe (or at least our galaxy). As our technology advances, and we begin to probe further into the depths of space, searching for more resources to deplete, we may - if we are not careful - encounter this denizen of chaos, birthed from the void, that strikes terror into the hearts of men. Not only does it put our individual lives in jeopardy, it poses an existential threat to our entire species. But if you toss it into our metaphorical backyard without lasting consequence too many times, it begins to lose its teeth (or inner jaws).

While we're on the topic of missteps in the ongoing Alien saga, I have to bring up one of Alien: Resurrection's many sins, because Alien: Romulus veered in the same direction toward its end; it's the only significant criticism I have for that movie. I can understand The Company's desire (however misguided) to harness the xenomorph as a weapon, but creating an alien-human hybrid? What is this, The X-Files? (There's even a black oil involved in the alien's lifecycle now!). The reason this plot point bothers me (aside from the fact that it deviates the monster from H.R. Giger's inspired design) is because it violates the original conception of the xenomorph - as I understood it in my youth - as a parasitic organism that takes on properties of its host. In other words, the typical xenomorph we're used to seeing in these movies is already the "human form" of the alien!

That's why, in Alien 3, when the creature hatched from a dog, it had more canine characteristics. It's the conceptual basis for the entire line of Alien toys that I collected as a child - which featured bull aliens, snake aliens, gorilla aliens, etc. Part of what makes the xenomorph the "perfect organism" is that it assimilates the genetic code of its host, picking out the most adaptable traits. I guess we saw a little bit of this evolution in Prometheus and its sequel. But if bio-engineered, it's more of a Frankenstein's monster run amok, than a naturally occuring phenomenon - like a cosmic storm, that cannot be effectively fought, only sought shelter from. All that said, I was able to enjoy AvP: Requiem, despite essentially being a suburban slasher set in the unremarkable year of 2004. So all hope is not yet lost!

Alien: Romulus (2024)

I just saw the new Alien movie today, and it was good. Very much a return to form. Effectively paid homage to the classics, melding elements from the original films, while gently innovating to keep the film feeling relevant and not simply redundant, but without being too jarring to the mythos. I like that they kept the "working class sci-fi" perspective, and it was interesting to explore in a new way the prejudice against synthetics. Andy was a great character, giving the filmmakers an opportunity to convey the grey area involved with making difficult moral choices. At the right times, he managed to be intimidating while still remaining sympathetic.

I lost a little bit of interest in the climax, where the inspiration from Alien: Resurrection was strongest. And since you can't help making comparisons to earlier films, I was distracted by the disparity of wardrobe in the final, post-bedtime arc. It makes you wonder how a movie that relies on body horror, and whose creative vision was guided by an artist who shocked the world by marrying sex with death, can be so gymnophobic. We have to watch the xenomorph crawling out of what, by all accounts, appears to be an alien vagina (actually, that was pretty cool), but we don't get to see the female lead in her skivvies? What kind of dystopian future are we living in?

But, that's a pretty superficial complaint. Overall, I enjoyed the movie very much.

Zharth's Music Log is reborn!

For those who don't know or don't remember, in 2007-2008 I hosted a "music log" on my website. Every week for a whole year, I picked a theme, and then each day of the week I posted a classic rock or blues song that relates to that theme. It was a fun way to celebrate my love of music, and satisfy my creative and organizational mind, similar to what I used to do as a college radio DJ.

After the series concluded in July of 2008, I added a handful of extra themes as they came to me. I call this the Redux. Then there was a long break, and in 2018 I added the first new theme in six years. It was meant to be the conclusion of the Redux and the final theme. But thinking about the music log again, and also sharing it with a friend, got my creative juices flowing, and I started working on a new series of themes.

Over the past six years, those themes have been stewing in my head. I put a lot of groundwork down on them in 2021, before turning my attention to other things. But early this year, I began to feel inspired, and I decided it was finally time to launch the "third season" of Zharth's Music Log - which I refer to as Threedux. I've been publishing themes low key since February, and have already filled out two new "quarters" (a quarter year's worth of weeks, or 13 themes), when combined with Redux.

I thought that would be the end once and for all. But since I've been polishing and finalizing these themes, I've been coming up with new ones left and right, which I am now working on. I think that I will comfortably be able to fill out a full second year (added to the original run), with 26 more themes than what I have currently published. After that, I plan to stop, but who can say what the future will bring? (The longer I go, the harder it is to avoid repeating songs). But until then, there'll be lots of music to (re-)discover as the weeks go by!

See all the themes at zharth.net/zml.

Split (2016) & Glass (2019)

I remember being hesitant to see this movie when it came out. Not because of the controversial reputation of its director (M. Night Shyamalan has had some hits and some misses, but I respect his talent and creativity), but because dissociative identity disorder is such a tricky subject, that hasn't had the best representation in the past. But here, James McAvoy sells it (keeping in mind that this is fiction, not a psychological documentary). And Anya Taylor-Joy is radiant as always.

I really liked how M. Night effectively turned what is, on its surface, a horror movie about three girls who are abducted by a maniac with a split personality into (ending spoilers!) an origin story for a new supervillain in the Unbreakable universe. I thought that was really clever. The only thing I could have done without is the lazy molestation back story. But other than that, I enjoyed it. I'm looking forward to watching Glass next.

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I'm not the biggest fan of conventional superhero movies. It makes me sound like a hipster, but the MCU doesn't thrill me - and that was true even before they began to bore the public with a never-ending stream of cookie-cutter blockbusters. I prefer movies that deconstruct the concept of superheros. I liked Kick-Ass, and I liked The Watchmen. It wasn't, "what would a world with superheros be like", it was "what would superheros be like in the real world we inhabit?" I think that's why Batman is my favorite conventional superhero - he doesn't even have superpowers, just a lot of money. Well, that and the gothic atmosphere. But that's what I liked about Unbreakable. What if a real person, in the real world, found out he was indestructible?

Split was good because it functioned well as a horror movie, while also expanding the universe of Unbreakable by adding a crucial new element. Going into Glass, I was hoping to see what M. Night Shyamalan's take on a "conventional" superhero movie would look like. Instead, it spends entirely too much time trying to convince us (itself?) that these superheroes/villains are just delusional. I mean, it's an interesting concept - one of my favorite episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer was the controversial one that successfully argued the posibillity that Buffy was a mental patient and everything was going on in her head. I suppose it could have made for an interesting movie if I wasn't hoping for something different.

Knowing that it's almost certainly part of M. Night's M.O. to bait and switch the audience prevents you from committing to the conceit (it's not one of his more successful deceptions). At this point in the trilogy, I've already signed on to these characters being actual superheros - let them loose! For a filmmaker who has made unpredictability his signature, perhaps the biggest twist of all would have been to do something conventional for a change. And that's what I wanted to see. But, even if I didn't love it, I'll still give M. Night credit for trying to be original. When you chew somebody up and spit them out just for going out on a limb and falling, it discourages them from daring to do it again. And that leads to an industry that runs on stale predictability.